Losing all hope of improving

#1
"I've studied a few openings" * Not useful.

"practice tactics as much as I can" * Tactics puzzles are a good warm-up, but that is about it.

"I analyse games" * Analyse your lost games thoroughly. Learn from your mistakes so as to avoid them in the future and exploit similar mistakes by your future opponents.

Play slower. Take time to think. You ended this 15+10 rapid game with more time than you started it.

@dominionlawreports

Believe it or not, I understand a little bit of how you feel. I learned the basics of the game when I was 7 years old. I was taught incorrectly how to castle. My dad also left out en passant. He might not have known all the rules, so I don't hold it against him. However, I have tried for years to improve my game. I am now almost 49 years old. I had hoped to reach a reasonably good level so I might teach chess someday...

You might wonder why I want to teach chess of all things. Well, I believe it is an enjoyable game and I'd like to share it with others. Another reason is I did not do so well in college. I had to drop out. I don't have a degree or any useful skill I can use to make a decent wage. I suppose I could be delusional, but I haven't found anything else about which I am this passionate. I would rather do something I love and make less money per year than work for a "good company" and make more money. I know I would have to do more than improve my rating--I would need to find work related to teaching chess so I could make a name for myself.

I have often thought I was too stupid to teach chess. It might not be a matter of low IQ. It might be that I missed the boat, so to speak. My mom once told me that she wanted me to be well-rounded and not develop an unhealthy obsession with chess. It turns out I am not very well-rounded after all. I might as well have followed my dream, as foolish as it turned out to be...

Have you considered hiring a chess instructor? Some instructors who are national masters and above might offer you a good deal if you pay for several lessons ahead of time. It's just a thought. You might not have time for lessons. I hope you don't give up chess. It really is a fun game. I'd be happy to play a few unrated games with you if you like. You are above my rating, so maybe I could learn some things from you without either of us risking the loss of rating points. We could play a few games and give each other feedback.

I hope you have a good day. Take care.

I do analyse but the mistakes are so profoundly stupid every time I already know where it went wrong but every new game I'm incapable of actioning it in any meaningful way.

I never look at the position and think "this is like then" I just don't think I have that mental ability.

Using time better is a good suggestion. I usually waste a lot of time because I am incapable of thinking of anything good to do that I think in some games I rush just to get it over with. Possibly I should have just resigned rather than continue to play badly

@dominionlawreports said in #1:

I'm not really sure what I can do at this point.

I've studied a few openings and practice tactics as much as I can and I analyse games but the quality of my play just gets worse and worse and worse.

It's become unbearably demoralising. I feel like such an idiot, not for losing but for how bad I play all the time, game after game of utterly mindless play. I know losing is good because I am massively over rated and need to drop a long way to play opponents at my level, but the failure and zero sign of improvement is weighing on me and I feel crushed by it all.

I just don't know where to even start looking at this point. I struggle so much in every game and never feel like I might win or do well. I know the smart thing to do here is accept that I don't have the intelligence for this and give up, but I've done that with so many things and I don't like what that would mean.

I can't bring myself to play otb even though I know a coach or a strong player would be helpful, I just couldn't imagine being this bad face to face with someone.

I'll try anything else though, I'm so down about it and just cannot seem to learn anything at all no matter how hard I try.

Blühbaum made it to the Candidates final and practically says the same^^

#4
Blunder check before you move.
No, do not resign. You could have held the draw with 41...Rc5 instead of the mistake 41...c2.
Use all your time by move 30 and finish the game on increment.

@DoomedBishop said in #3:

@dominionlawreports

Believe it or not, I understand a little bit of how you feel. I learned the basics of the game when I was 7 years old. I was taught incorrectly how to castle. My dad also left out en passant. He might not have known all the rules, so I don't hold it against him. However, I have tried for years to improve my game. I am now almost 49 years old. I had hoped to reach a reasonably good level so I might teach chess someday...

You might wonder why I want to teach chess of all things. Well, I believe it is an enjoyable game and I'd like to share it with others. Another reason is I did not do so well in college. I had to drop out. I don't have a degree or any useful skill I can use to make a decent wage. I suppose I could be delusional, but I haven't found anything else about which I am this passionate. I would rather do something I love and make less money per year than work for a "good company" and make more money. I know I would have to do more than improve my rating--I would need to find work related to teaching chess so I could make a name for myself.

I have often thought I was too stupid to teach chess. It might not be a matter of low IQ. It might be that I missed the boat, so to speak. My mom once told me that she wanted me to be well-rounded and not develop an unhealthy obsession with chess. It turns out I am not very well-rounded after all. I might as well have followed my dream, as foolish as it turned out to be...

Have you considered hiring a chess instructor? Some instructors who are national masters and above might offer you a good deal if you pay for several lessons ahead of time. It's just a thought. You might not have time for lessons. I hope you don't give up chess. It really is a fun game. I'd be happy to play a few unrated games with you if you like. You are above my rating, so maybe I could learn some things from you without either of us risking the loss of rating points. We could play a few games and give each other feedback.

I hope you have a good day. Take care.

An instructor I think would be great, but i don't want to waste someone's time and I think if I was with someone in person it would be even harder to play well because I'd be focused entirely on managing my self, I shake a lot when I play and hit myself which is difficult to keep under control, I would be mortified if it happened with an instructor.

The rating thing is baffling and I do not understand why it put me so high when I'm just not good enough for the players I'm put against. I had thought about making a new account.

I apologize for my entry in #8. I should have started a new blog. Anyway, I hope you keep playing chess, especially if you get SOME enjoyment out of it.

@dominionlawreports sometimes you need to just wait for the fruits to ripen. Maybe you are studying a lot and having less sleep and free time (because in sleep our brain configures the useful stuff and free time allows our brain to revise what we learn.) . You should also reduce training tension on your brain if nothing enters your brain anymore. I think you should take a break and think about what you have learnt so far. Thomas Edison famously said: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

Edit: I forgot to say that I just saw that you are on tilt. Don't worry so much.