How not to care obsessively about rating (especially fast time controls)?

@bugfan said in #1:

Any insights, suggestions and techniques to tackle this problem are welcome.

In the past two months, I've been in inpatient twice at psychiatric hospitals in part due to rage of losing in HyperBullet from poor internet connection or whatever excuse. Sounds terrible, but it was a blessing in disguise, as I gained maturity from social interactions in the behavioral health units, so there never needs to be any1 being sorry for me.

A few quotes my friends gave me:

"rating is just pixels on a computer screen" - NM Jasugi99

"your worth is not tied to a number" - NM SummitSchoolfOfChess

Because my post is coming from someone with high ratings, I don't mean to come across as braggadocious. A number of my friends who are titled players (I am not) have the same problem of addiction to fast online time controls.

I know one thing about me is that I am very competitive, which may be why I have a strong inclination (I prefer "inclination" to "addiction," but I don't mind using either word) to play chess online and to care more about gaining and losing points than I most likely should.

I've always been like that, not to the point of going to psychiatric hospital, however. This seems exaggerated, like your post, which seems complete trolling, it may not be like that though.

Not caring about ratings is easier said than done. The obsession about ratings derives from losing points, I believe: when you lose points you feel like you're moving backwards, and you want to gain them back. A more mature behaviour is to accept that if you keep playing you won't always be at your highest rating ever (else you'd just keep going higher and higher and easily reach 3000). Losing games (and points) is part of the game.

thx all 4 ur inputs !!
Ah, I see, Basch_of_Dalmasca. I troll when I say I'd beat Magnus (+ never lose to him) in 42 moves or less (which does have a lot of truth in it, but ppl don't believe me because they haven't seen it yet).
When I try to post something non-trolly, it comes across as troll b/c I am ENTP (cs Joseph explains how to type oneself) which is the most heavily 'troller' type from Myers–Briggs Type Indicator. My middle name is Ye (really, it is) like Kanye's nickname... my thoughts go all over the place, but

This isn't directed toward anyone, but I would also note that it's easy, natural, and totally understandable for people to think someone's joking when talking about going to mental hospitals, without actual proof of him or her going. As for proof, I would provide a link to my wristband from the mental hospital here in this textbox, but I don't really know how. But it's true that I just got out of a mental hospital the other day. I posted the wristband on social media.

For reference, the wristband says: CEN, KENT 07/30/23 Q00054159127 ADM IN Q.BH1064 Q.BHU2 DOB: 07/22/94 29 M [not posting the doctor's name here, not posting the doctor's name here] MD MR#: 000634905

@bugfan said in #1:

Being so competitive can have all kind of reasons.
Perhaps it is difficult but I believe it can be learned to calm down and to try to produce a beautiful chess and focus on content
rather than on speed.
I choose dopamine over adrenaline most of the time, in chess and in life.
Regarding the "mental health industry" that you mention : there is a lot of holistic methods to support people, and there is also organisations with peer support that work with people talking to people and do activities (Instead of you talking to a doctor and getting medicines prescribed). If you look up the description of the book The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté you will perhaps read that some very common "standards and beliefs" can make us ill.

"rating is just pixels on a computer screen" - NM Jasugi99

"your worth is not tied to a number" - NM SummitSchoolfOfChess

Thanks for these quotes. Here is another

"Rating is overrated" - achja, a quote I've come up with since before 2015

Good luck & have fun!

Greetings from a chess player who prefers to slow down with things, and plays and watches chess for beauty.
Proud non coffee drinker.

@bugfan said in #10:

So the reason I don't like to use the word addiction is not because I am afraid of admitting that I have it. It's actually the opposite. It's just that the mental health industry will turn anything into a mental disorder, like it might as well be sitting down all day going on the computer is an addiction, or what's next, is walking going to be an addiction?

Walking, physical sport, sex and so on are also causing the brain to crave more as they release the same hormones like dopamine, adrenaline, endorphins and so on, but they don't fall under the category of "addiction" as addiction as an illness is also defined as being harmful, out of control and something that causes the person who has it pain. Now I knew someone who was addicted to running. He got injured and still wanted to keep running, not waiting until his leg fully healed - that is an addiction. However physical addictions or addictions to productive things like sport, sex and work are generally way less of a problem, as they also often contribute positively to mental and physical health, that is why most of the time they won't get diagnosed as a mental illness and that is right. Playing videogames excessively or drinking alcohol brings much more disadvantages to your health, which is why it is referred to as an addiction. Naturally the brain is addicted to anything that makes us "happy" - but "happy" doesn't always mean "healthy" - this why especially any form of drug, that may make us happy, but at the same time harm us, is reffered to as addiction problem.

@bugfan said in #13:

This isn't directed toward anyone, but I would also note that it's easy, natural, and totally understandable for people to think someone's joking when talking about going to mental hospitals, without actual proof of him or her going.

No it isn't understandable at all, that somebody would dislike your post. It is a shame. Clearly those persons simply lack empathy. Their problem, not yours. You don't need to provide any proof. Hope you get better soon. Take your addiction seriously. Make a break from chess, make a plan on how to not overdo it. Play some hours a day. In other countries like china video game addiction is taken much more serious than in europe or US. There there are bootcamps for people treating it. You can watch a documentary about it. Good luck.

Change the settings in Lichess to hide ratings. It'll be frustrating for a little, but you'll soon stop caring.

@Drewsel said in #16:

Change the settings in Lichess to hide ratings. It'll be frustrating for a little, but you'll soon stop caring.

You mean Zen mode, right? I haven't tried it before, but that only hides ratings during the middle of games.

@bugfan said in #17:

You mean Zen mode, right? I haven't tried it before, but that only hides ratings during the middle of games.

No, Zen mode is different. "show player ratings" is the last option all the way at the bottom.

just felt like shouting out DestroyerOfChessJoy because he or she made an excellent post, and educated me on addiction. The account "DestroyerOfChessJoy" is closed, but hats off to that person

@Drewsel said in #18:

No, Zen mode is different. "show player ratings" is the last option all the way at the bottom.

Wow, I never thought they'd actually have such a unique feature. Very interesting. Thanks for letting me know.