How do you fart when you are at a chess tournament? • page 4/6 • General Chess Discussion • lichess.org

Retire to the men’s with your phone. Record. Play back to arbiter on your return so he knows you weren’t cheating during the ‘process’.

Or method two...

Retire to the men’s without phone, but a sealable bag. Fill and seal the bag. Place in your pocket. Return to the table. At an appropriate time, drop bag on the floor and accidentally stamp on it, opening the bag and releasing the noxious contents.

It may be advisable to put on the gas mask you packed in your bag beforehand at this time. This might arouse some suspicions so, be discreet when putting it on.

Retire to the men’s with your phone. Record. Play back to arbiter on your return so he knows you weren’t cheating during the ‘process’. Or method two... Retire to the men’s without phone, but a sealable bag. Fill and seal the bag. Place in your pocket. Return to the table. At an appropriate time, drop bag on the floor and accidentally stamp on it, opening the bag and releasing the noxious contents. It may be advisable to put on the gas mask you packed in your bag beforehand at this time. This might arouse some suspicions so, be discreet when putting it on.

SOJB

#32

Can't believe this thread keeps getting bumped back to the top,you're all very childish with your toilet sense of humour , I'm mean seriously poos bums willys and farts just aren't funny .......................... Ha ha ha ha xxx

TrainingOTB

#33

What if fart smell motivates your opponent? So many questions. You have to really think before you fart, almost like before making a move. Maybe it would be good to keep your fart until opponent is in time trouble, and then release it with all it's toxicity, so that for those 2-3 seconds opponent gets distracted, thinking "wtf is this a gas leak somewhere?" and there you go, a win is a win.
So once you have a fart, consider:

Keeping it until the right moment
If cannot be kept for later, wait for someone to pass your table and then release
Releasing it right away with sound of relief and bodylanguage so, that your opponent starts solving puzzle of what's happening with you rather with what is on the board

What if fart smell motivates your opponent? So many questions. You have to really think before you fart, almost like before making a move. Maybe it would be good to keep your fart until opponent is in time trouble, and then release it with all it's toxicity, so that for those 2-3 seconds opponent gets distracted, thinking "wtf is this a gas leak somewhere?" and there you go, a win is a win. So once you have a fart, consider: 1. Keeping it until the right moment 2. If cannot be kept for later, wait for someone to pass your table and then release 3. Releasing it right away with sound of relief and bodylanguage so, that your opponent starts solving puzzle of what's happening with you rather with what is on the board

BorisOspasky

#34

Instead of anal beads, insert a bugle. Release and play a tune or at least try to. Reveille would be a good start. Clench tightly and adjust the raspberry to get more notes.

The other players can vote, like The Eurovision It’s Total Crap and Not a Song contest. The idea is to not get a ‘nil point’ from the other players.

Practice at home, not at the venue, as you don’t want to reveal your preparation beforehand. If someone plays exactly the same tune, complain to FIDE as your preparation Will obviously have been leaked.

Instead of anal beads, insert a bugle. Release and play a tune or at least try to. Reveille would be a good start. Clench tightly and adjust the raspberry to get more notes. The other players can vote, like The Eurovision It’s Total Crap and Not a Song contest. The idea is to not get a ‘nil point’ from the other players. Practice at home, not at the venue, as you don’t want to reveal your preparation beforehand. If someone plays exactly the same tune, complain to FIDE as your preparation Will obviously have been leaked.

kartiks2013

#35

fart and poop are cuss words.from witch country are you owner

kartiks2013

#36

wow your account is closed .you spammed by using cuss words

They tell me fart smells like a fart anywhere So eat your beans

Great_Southern_Snake

#40

@BuiltOnContingencies said in #1:

Do you fart at a table? Do you lie down and let one out?

How do you peacefully pass gas at a chess tournament?
I do my best not to fart you see because i should show myself as a serious and fine chess player.

@BuiltOnContingencies said in #1: > Do you fart at a table? Do you lie down and let one out? > > How do you peacefully pass gas at a chess tournament? I do my best not to fart you see because i should show myself as a serious and fine chess player.