I was expecting to see a lot of the old ''dead babies''jokes in this thread. (Psychologists say humor is about exploring the boundary between what is and isnt socially acceptable. I think those jokes were across the boundary.)
How did they find out that Vic Morrow had dandruff?
.
.
.
They found his head and shoulders in the bushes.
A student comes home and goes to see his parents in the living room :
- Mom, Dad, I got positive grades on all my exams ! Positive, A and B !
Parents:
- We're proud of you, son! It was that that famous test last week at university ?
- No, those were my hepatitis A and B tests from last month.
@IamA1000ELOMaster said in #12:
> "children make mistakes in the dark"
> "mistakes in the dark make children"
mistakes the dark in children, make
@igmo_fitzpatzer said in #24:
> mistakes the dark in children, make
"Many children in the galaxy, i made."
- Yoda, former Jedi Master.
https://youtube.com/shorts/dzI8XXuAW7g?si=CjoWa2O_Es59tBfp
get out
1. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
2. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
3. Today, I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
4. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
5. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
6. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then, I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
7. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
8. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
9. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
10. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
11. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
12. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
13. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
14. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
15. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
16. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? It’s a wonderful saying but a horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
17. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
18. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
19. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
20. Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
21. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
23. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
24. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
25. A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
26. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
27. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
28. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
29. Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere.
30. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So, I unplugged his life support.
32. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
33. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
34. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
35. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
36. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was five.
37. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
38. My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
39. I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly, none of them work.
40. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
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