Fear of Analyzing My Own Games

i forget every game in the exact moment when its over. Lmao.
But i also think perfectionsim is very bad and you shouldnt use an engine as "reference".

"... most people do not like to lose games, and take defeat badly. That is not right. People who want to improve should take their defeats as lessons, and endeavour to learn what to avoid in the future. ..." - Capablanca (1920)
I think it was in 1992 that Fischer said, "That's what chess is all about. One day you give your opponent a lesson, the next day he gives you one."

Lucy, you should take a lesson from the Stoics. In Stoic philosophy, you only concern yourself with things in your control and do not worry about things out of your control. Your past mistakes are out of your control and no amount of anxiety and regret will change the outcome of an already-finished game. That's good advice to follow for life in general.

Analyze your games as if they were played by somebody else. In a way they were; they were played by a past version of you with less practice, less study time, and, since you're still young, a less-developed brain than today.

Don't worry about it if the computer says +8!!! YOU WERE TOTALLY WINNING. A lot of those times, it's seeing some 10-move sequence that you have to get perfect and couldn't possibly expect yourself to see in real life. I see that in endgames a lot.

Most importantly, keep playing! You have a gift for chess, you are lots of fun to play against and your enthusiasm for chess is contagious. Have fun!

@Lucy2007 said in #1:

I am always terrified of finding some crazy tactic I missed or a sneaky way to draw a losing endgame because then the game sticks in my brain for months or even years

For me, remembering my past games for months is a blessing. It helps me know what to avoid or expect in similar situations. And that's what you want, to second @mkubecek . And that's why I almost exclusively do puzzles based on the tactics I missed in my past games. The mild PTSD from those missed tactics boosts my memory retention.

"Funny how you look back on those times we had
Remember all the good ones, forget about all the bad
Hanging out day after day in the hole in the wall
Things that seemed to be so big then now somehow seem so small"

<"Good Times" -Written by Bob Di Piero, Anita Cochran>

Analysing your chess games, both victories and defeats, is looking at your past. Your noble efforts, your moments of laziness. Your achievements, your mess-ups. All of it. There will come a time to laugh at your mistakes and misconceptions, but not until you accept that the past is just water under the bridge.
Until then, you've got to embrace those hard lessons. Be proud of your scars, the wounds that really hurt, because those are the lessons you won't soon forget. They are the lessons that will make you stronger, the price that you have to pay so that you can become the one with the winner's swagger.