Being psychologically unfit to play chess

Participating in chess makes me feel as if I am an insult to the game and everyone who plays it. I just don't think I'm capable of enjoying myself anymore...and yet I keep trying and then giving up almost immediately. I don't give a damn about my rating - I just want to overcome feeling this way. Has anyone else battled this kind of despair from playing chess?

"... For many people with little time for chess the default option is internet blitz, in which the players have five minutes or less for the entire game. I cannot warn too strongly against taking this route if you want to improve, the problem being that playing too many games at a fast time limit will corrupt the decision making process. Instead of playing good moves, a player honed on blitz will look for moves he can make quickly and perhaps bring himself closer to a win on time. ...
... you need to keep to time limits in which the chess position is more relevant than the thinking time, and, ideally, much more relevant. I actually believe that only Grandmasters (2500+) should play five minute blitz, ... 1500 players should have at least 25 minutes thinking time for a game -- or a rough equivalent if they are using an incremental time limits. ..." - GM Nigel Davies (2010)

Thanks for your response. My first thought upon reading it was that it didn't address my point, but I do understand and agree with what you say.

What I'm trying to say is I believe something is very wrong with me. Positions in which I was clearly better appeared hopeless to me because I had given up before the first move. Playing now seems less about playing and more about gauging my depression level that day.

I'm not concerned with improving - I just want to have fun again.

'Chess is not for the faint-hearted; it absorbs a person entirely. To get to the bottom of this game, he has to give himself up into slavery. Chess is difficult, it demands work, serious reflection and zealous research.' - Steinitz

Chess is a game. Humans play games as a form of entertainment with a clear objective - to win. If you're uninterested in winning, do not play chess. Instead, get your enjoyment from solving chess puzzles, reading books, watching videos and streams.

From my experience, what I did was I played some of my lower rated friends to see how far I've come and it helped a bit, I don't know if you'll like it but it worked for me. It could also be a short episode of tilt. Take a month off chess and you should be good. :)

@BerliozAndMasha said in #1:

Participating in chess makes me feel as if I am an insult to the game and everyone who plays it.

you are actually further ahead than most by simply admitting this, bravo

@kindaspongey said in #2:

Instead of playing good moves, a player honed on blitz will look for moves he can make quickly and perhaps bring himself closer to a win on time. ...

blitz is the best balance of how good/bad is the position and to flag or not

@BerliozAndMasha said in #3:

Thanks for your response. My first thought upon reading it was that it didn't address my point, but I do understand and agree with what you say.

most ppl would share your sentiment

@tpr said in #4:

'Chess is not for the faint-hearted; it absorbs a person entirely. To get to the bottom of this game, he has to give himself up into slavery. Chess is difficult, it demands work, serious reflection and zealous research.' - Steinitz

great quote, disqualifies like 99 percent of us right away

@lizani said in #5:

. If you're uninterested in winning, do not play chess. Instead, get your enjoyment from solving chess puzzles, reading books, watching videos and streams.

did you watch that video posted by @v1g1yy of caruauna saying basically the opposite

@noskillnoob_v0 said in #6:

From my experience, what I did was I played some of my lower rated friends to see how far I've come and it helped a bit, I don't know if you'll like it but it worked for me. It could also be a short episode of tilt. Take a month off chess and you should be good. :)

holy smokes a whole month, could of got like 300 rating points slim

@kindaspongey said in #2:

"... For many people with little time for chess the default option is internet blitz, in which the players have five minutes or less for the entire game. I cannot warn too strongly against taking this route if you want to improve, the problem being that playing too many games at a fast time limit will corrupt the decision making process. Instead of playing good moves, a player honed on blitz will look for moves he can make quickly and perhaps bring himself closer to a win on time. ...
... you need to keep to time limits in which the chess position is more relevant than the thinking time, and, ideally, much more relevant. I actually believe that only Grandmasters (2500+) should play five minute blitz, ... 1500 players should have at least 25 minutes thinking time for a game -- or a rough equivalent if they are using an incremental time limits. ..." - GM Nigel Davies (2010)
Does not apply to most good players. This is just an old fashioned idea that fast time controls is brainrot.

1. Stop playing chess for the time being, or at least play only casual games. To somebody who has not read these posts your latest games look like sandbagging, resigning in much superior positions or after only a couple of moves is not allowed and could get you banned for rating manipulation. Only play rated games when you feel confident that you can finish them.

2. Find some joy in non-competitive activities, preferably in the real world with other people. If that is not possible or does not improve your mood, seek professional help.

Good luck!

Your problem is not chess, Chess is the escape from your problem, and it doesnt work anymore.

There is something deeper, but it is not chess.