From "The Devil's Dictionary"

RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
"What is your religion, my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.

"Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."

"Then why do you not become an atheist?"

"Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism."

"In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."

As far as the Devil is concerned, I always had a soft spot for the Robot Devil in Futurama:

https://youtu.be/-OQjVdrZfZE?si=dJkH7fLT3gaf1ytX

https://youtu.be/YR3IwTGk5Ho?si=OsK7caVe21EJz9pt

Urban dictionary says: "School is hell, so teachers are the devils in hell."

Since we're going meta^(2)physical, here are some other good ones:

DEMON, n. A man whose cruelties are related in the newspapers. See FIEND IN HUMAN SHAPE.

CHURCH, n. A place where the parson worships God and the women worship the parson.

CLOSE-COMMUNION, n. The sectarian practice of excluding the Sinners, and several smaller denominations, from the Lord's supper. The supper being commonly a pretty bad one, no great injustice is done.

HELL, n. The residence of the late Dr. Noah Webster, dictionary-maker.