Mr. A: "hm~~, I am confused"
Mr. B: "What's the problem, A?"
Mr. A: "Well, I am thinking about chess."
Mr. B: "Oh, I am an expert, A, so if you got any. . . "
Mr. A: "OH GOOD~, you see B, THe queen has the power of both Bishop and Rook, which makes it kinda the best piece in the game but, how come the queen can't move like a knight?"
Mr. B: "Um... um... um... Maybe... because... um... The queen is too shy to get onto a horse... you know... the skirt and stuff... "
Mr. A: "Ok... but I thought only man can go to war. How come there is a queen in the chess board?"
Mr. B: "Because... um... um... everyone should be treated equally?"
Mr. A: "I see. I thought women weren't treated equally in the past."
Mr. B: "You know what, I gtg."
A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came across an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"
"Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.
"But I don't see anyone with you."
"That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everywhere!"
"You have a powerful opponent, then!"
"Yes, but a fair one."
"And is He winning?" asked the merchant.
"It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."
"Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.
"I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.
"Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."
"But wait, how do you pay Allah?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
"Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
"No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"
"And however will Allah pay you?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."
Chess Jokes:
(i) My wife threw out my Fritz Trainer DVD the other day, when I got angry she said,'I thought you said throw out the Tarrasch'.
(ii) A King and pawn go into a Ferrari car showroom and the pawn says'I want that ferrari, please', the assistant looks at them suspicious 'You know that costs 250,000 pounds ?', he states. 'Yes, its alright shes being promoted' says the King.
(iii) An icelandic guy went to the 1972 Fischer-Spassky match and directly infront of him he noticed the only free seat in the auditorium. He was confused by this so asked the person sitting next to the empty seat,'do you know why the seat is empty'. An american guy answered 'yes, it was my wifes seat, she has passed away sadly before we came, i'm deverstated''well thats sad, did you not have a friend that could come in her place?', asked the icelander. The american replied 'No they are all at the funeral'.
(iv) Why was Santa Claus particularly good at chess? Because he kept sacking a load of material.
Bump
Do you know where you can buy and sell used chess sets?
The pawn shop.
What is a vampires favorite chess piece?
The night.
I went to the Bob Segar chess tournament. They only played knight moves.
My wife won't let our 10 year old watch the Netflix series,"The Queens Gambit". She is concerned that it contains too much pawn.
funny.
Me when I play chess and lose:
*launches nukes*
