Breaking The Silence Online

@Dude128 said in #8:
> www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjzyNHRvoqCAxWZLFkFHd4CAg8QwqsBegQIDxAG&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DHhKbPouswqk&usg=AOvVaw2lCZ5lykMTG379rcWMfqAI&opi=89978449
>
> this event highlighted some of the awful guy's in a chat room............................................

Thank @Dude128 I also watched the IM not a GM final live and was disgusted at the chat room comments which were mainly directed at IM Shuvalova's physical attributes and not the fact that she was beating IM Levy in a chess final!

@QueenRosieMary said in #12:
> Thank @Dude128 I also watched the IM not a GM final live and was disgusted at the chat room comments which were mainly directed at IM Shuvalova's physical attributes and not the fact that she was beating IM Levy in a chess final!

I won't swear!!:((( We watched it but didn't see the chat comments!!! She will be a GM soon!:))) Not sure, but assume they were Levy supporters?!!:(( Hope he was ashamed of them!!

Thanks for writing this blog. I want and will support WICF. I won't stop fighting for equal treatment rights and social equality between men and women until women and men are treated at least 99,99% equal(100% would be perfect). EVERYBODY LET US FIGHT FOR IT IN CHESS AND OUTSIDE OF CHESS.
P.S.: I say this as a male player!!!

@ok_zab said in #5:
> Thx, for your Blog Post. As a male lichess member I have less experience with this topic, but want to share my last one: I was watching standings and games of the US Championships two weeks before and someone in the chat asked, why the games were not advertised in the Tournaments section. No one could tell, so I told them and shared the link to:
>
> lichess.org/blog/ZNTniBEAACEAJZTn/breaking-the-silence
>
> In almost no time we had a discussion going where lots of participants complained about "mainstream" and men in general as the "victims".
>
> What was shocking for me was the speed and the overwhelming hatred. It only took about two to three minutes and the chat was so full of disgusting comments and I turned the chat off.
>
> And that's the second thing I have to think about since then: I just turned off, I should have done more. This is why I want to say:

Thank you so much for sharing this! Yes, I was also in the thick of the first Breaking the Silence comment thread and locking horns with a few users who shall we say did not seem to be presenting reasonable or female-friendly arguments! I have also been "guilty" of just turning off the chat, sometimes it is more than we can stomach, and that's ok, but sometimes we need to speak up and fight back.

>"Thank you for speaking out loud!" I am with you and this male behavior poisons our society - not only in chess, - not only online!

You are welcome! And of course you are right, not only chess, not only online..

@Cypex2 said in #14:
> Thanks for writing this blog. I want and will support WICF. I won't stop fighting for equal treatment rights and social equality between men and women until women and men are treated at least 99,99% equal(100% would be perfect). EVERYBODY LET US FIGHT FOR IT IN CHESS AND OUTSIDE OF CHESS.
> P.S.: I say this as a male player!!!

Thank you so much for your support!

@QueenRosieMary said in #16:
> Thank you so much for your support!
No problem. I hope many people will read your blog, think about it and i hope then they will do something

@Cypex2 said in #18:
>
no problem. I have to say thank you for your great blog

Thanks for the blog.

Some factors and points I want to add or have considered.
They a bit out of the box but I have experienced them all and many times over.

1. Chess player fetish

It perhaps not so strange if people find it attractive if the other person share an hobby, in this case a game.
But I play a lot of different games and by far chess stands out as getting asked for relationships.
There seem to be something about chess that more than any other activity or game makes males dream that they can find a girlfriend that plays chess too.
Probably there is a massive wish-thinking of that women that play chess would seek to find a man that plays too.

2. Watered down game

Chess is a very hard game to master and their is always a bigger fish. The markers for progress at the top stand still and are in many ways outdated, while the lower once are getting even lower and lower.
At 2500 ELO we have the highest title GM that means you are a good player, probably among the best in your country. But in terms of competing for World Champion it not much.
At 1800 ELO you can be a Fide Master, if you are a woman. A bar that in general is described as a strong amateur.
A sign of the dark past of the view that women struggle in chess.
In my mind, it wasn't so bad from here, FM and WIM very respectable.
But instead of renew the system and make it right they added CM and started to display the other pity-title NM.
The system itself trying to tell people they better than they are... I think it feed a narrative of that if players can't be good, they feel the need to appear like they are by being better than the people around them.

3. Unwanted gifts

Perhaps the last point wasn't really a point but more a setup for this point.
There is a lot unwanted things done with good intentions towards women(chess) that hasn't been asked for.
I can't say women are united against women-titles, it even possible they are a good thing. But they not here because women asked for them. They where made in the spirit that the normal titles where to hard.

I know for a fact that women-prizes and extra superlatives for women's performances are made in the best of intentions, but often comes across as fake or low expectations.

I know for a fact that many asks to be my friend in the best of intentions, having no idea how creepy or aggressive the way they do it can come across. Or at least have no regard of how bad experiences the person might have had with people.

4. No red line

There are team-tournaments where all or one board must be woman. There are tournaments for only women. Like mentioned before there often a extra prize for best woman or such.
But there very few woman groups in the chessclubs themselves. Few coaches and/or leaders are women, so when the all women team goes to the tournaments they coached or lead by a male.

There efforts to get women to play and efforts or prizes to give the option to only compete against other women. But their few efforts to create small clusters of women that can play together as friends and attend tournaments together.
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End notes:
Have an open eye for what women chess needs but don't give anything not asked for.
Let women take the first step or leave as small introduction as you can.
Lets play and talk chess on chess sites. Leave the dating/personal requests for dating-sites/websites.

@shortyadamshardwick said in #10:
> if i had kiilled my self i wouldnt be able to write this i am afraiad i have done this for many years and hope that i have stopped
> doing thisi just went into a dark pit of depression and wanted my self dead imust apologise to all of you i have done this too
> i endevour now to just have an exsitance once agian i apologise to all of you who i have harrased thank you martin

Thank you for sharing this Martin, it must have taken a lot of courage to be so open and I really appreciate it. Only you can understand why you did what you did back then, but I sincerely appreciate your apology to those you say you have harassed in the past and I am very glad you are still with us and a welcome and active member of our team. I wish you well for the future and hope that your best life is in front of you xx

@QueenRosieMary said in #11:
>The problem is, as was mentioned on that forum, games are public and anyone can watch them.

It is software. Technically it is no problem to solve this. The point is not that someone is watching. I as a player just do not want to see the name of the blocked player while I am playing.

OK someone can say - why this is such a big thing?

I answer - because there are people out there "watching" my games on every occassion. I call this stalking.

Hope Lichess solve this. As i tod - it is only software. Not a big issue to solve this programatically.