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what indicates that someone is a complete chess newbie?

You know I plyaed this girl and thrashed her with 7 queens.
She excitedly got up from her seat and started boasting she checked me 3 times in the game.
Yup, she sacrificed her queen right in front of my King to just check me one.
When they bring a tennis racket to the board, and ask why there is no net on the fourth rank ?
When they promote a pawn and place a king on top of it.
When your opponent moves his/her pawn to the end of the board and says "Checkmate!" on the first move.
When they think en passant is a bug and cry in the forums for a fix.
When they trade bishops for knights(Or make ANY trade) for literally no reason. When they think that material is everything.

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