How do I stop assuming my opponent is cheating?

As of recently, I've gotten into a toxic mindset that once my opponent gets into a winning position- then I automatically assume that they are cheating.

To justify this incorrect mindset; out of my recent rated/unrated games on chesscom, 3 out of 10 of my opponents were 'confirmed cheaters'. - However to rectify this assumption, I mostly play blitz; and most of the opponents that I play rapid against are hacks on the discord server that are obviously just cheating to get clout.

but.... I mostly play blitz.
and wouldn't you guess it; out of all of what 50<(?) opponents- none were cheaters, and the analysis confirms that I'm just that bad.

I go into a game, get a losing position; and instead of fighting on for a swindle- I assume the worst of opponent and throw in the towel before the game is even over.

How do I improve in my overall tenacity, become a better sport at the game, and treat a position with objectiveness?
sincerely,
ya boi

tldr; I suck at the game, and to cope- I seethe. how to not do that (?)

I had similar concerns. So I stopped playing on chess.com

I use zen mode here so I can't assume anything about my opponent.

I don't care if a few of my opponents are cheating. It's a problem for the really strong players, but if I play a 1800 rated player that cheats I don't see how that's a problem to me.

evaluation?

@VladimirFreddie
I play on chesscom for rating, and on lichess for improvement. I took a break from chesscom and gained a solid 100 points after 2 months of exclusively learning on lichess.
It's time ween off chesscom and back to lichess, but I can't carry over this mindset. Even with zen mode, sometimes I have to questions my opponent's rating, and I end of being severely disappointed after the game regardless of the rating difference.

I like knowing if I'm up against a 2000, if you know what I mean

@Youcandothis
In all fairness, since we are of the same rating; even on lichess the standard is low for starting players to begin cheating at high ratings.
On lichess you can join in at 1500, and chesscom its like 1400 or something. That's ballpark range from someone to advance from cheating to our level, even after provisionals.- We aren't 900s twiddling with our kings. (Granted, we still hang our queens)

It should be a problem, because if you are looking for improvement win after win; you need the confidence that your opponent is on your level; not using some 2500+ bot or something.- Or else what is the whole point?

No joke dude, talk therapy. Straight up changed my life.

Or watch The Wisdom of Trauma by Dr. Gabor Mate.

Those are just two examples of ways to work on being reactionary to external stimuli. Talk therapy helped me to see and understand internal patterns and how they affect my behavior, giving me tools to work with in managing complicated emotional situations. (Helps to have a trusting relationship with a therapist, too..)

The Wisdom of Trauma is about neurologically hardwired traumas from childhood. I actually didn't think I qualified but the talk therapy helped me to realize that my brief hospital stay at 7-days-old really gave me some deep rooted trust issues, which transferred over to every aspect of my whole life.

Dr. Mate says (in his book The Myth of Normal—based on the movie) that once we realize the trauma exists, the next step as "adults" is to realize it's our choice if we want to hold onto that trauma or work to heal from it. That choice itself is all it takes to begin the healing process. I really didn't buy into it until I went through the process and it was like I suddenly saw the live wire in my neurology that went all the way back to babyhood, and that was the beginning of the change.

None of that will make you a "better" chess player, but no matter how much you play, learn, and improve, if you're not working on that underlying emotional stuff then that "toxic mindset" will follow you through all your games.

@ContrabassFlute

I play a solid 70%~ game, higher is winning, same or lower if losing. My most recent game showed 78% for me, and 85% for my opponent in a 40 move game. (Which I'd consider standard)

Obviously, I got absolutely crushed by the confirmed cheaters.
My problem is not the evaluation, but rather, my response regardless of the evaluation. I shouldn't be in such a negative place when playing, and that I believe its a part of what's making it worse overall.

@spidersneedlovetoo I will genuinely look into it.
I'm currently not in the place to make major life defining changes; mentally wise, but something needs to change overall.

Work is getting in the way of the time I think I need to play chess; but maybe I need to reconsider playing chess in general- I dunno, but im at that point,
thanks for the resources

@JeremyDunn said in #6:
> It should be a problem, because if you are looking for improvement win after win; you need the confidence that your opponent is on your level; not using some 2500+ bot or something.- Or else what is the whole point?
If someone is using a 2500+ bot I think they are unlikely to be 1800 rated.