Why are people so rude?

Today I was reminded why I get so angry playing on sites like this. People are so rude. Don't bother greeting, don't "shake hands" after the game. Totally ignore rematch offers, even though I respectfully resign if I'm clearly lost, and I politely wait to see if my opponent wants a shot at revenge when I win. People leave games instead of resigning, making you wait for the clock to run down to claim a win - even though lichess warns users who do so. I've also been accused of cheating, more than once, instead of an opponent appreciating that I'm sometimes capable of playing good chess. Why do people think it's okay to behave like this online? In an actual chess club, face to face, you would always greet and thank your opponent. You would always be pleasant. When are people going to wake up to the fact that anonymity online is fuelling rude behaviour. For goodness sake, why can't people show kindness and respect?

I couldn't agree more. I played a game a few days ago, won a tight contest against a higher rated player, then the second they realised they couldn't win, they went straight into the chat to tell me I was lucky, that the time control was restrictive (why play it then?! They set the time control!), and that it was a stalemate (it wasn't!). All they had to do was say "well played" and move on.

It's not just a chess website, it's the whole internet - and if you think about it, it's also not just the internet - disrespectful behaviour also occurs in relationships and daily life - in schools, work places, ... - we just tend to ignore it much more and rather feel pity for such a person rather than anger. Don't let others disturb your peace. When it comes to letting time run out etc. - yeah I know it's a big issue, but luckily lichess has a great online detection feature, so you don't have to wait long. Maybe some people here confuse chess with ludo.

It is just the internet culture, just dont take it personally

Not accepting your rematch offer isn’t rude. I rarely accept a rematch (regardless of whether I won or lost) because I prefer to play a different person each time. Unfortunately I think the internet reveals what people are actually like. They are moody, insecure and often emotionally immature. I think they hide this in real life because they don’t want to get beat up. But online, that isn’t much of a concern. People are weird. I suspect that my neighbor likes to get naked and sit on a cactus, but I’ll never know.

@lordnala

You can disable chat, and avoid all the rudeness.

As for rematches, don't count on it. Nobody wants to be "sized up" or "figured out" because that increases their chances of losing in a subsequent game. Some people don't want rematches because while they may be able to play well as white, they are lost as black. The dopamine hit from winning is completely erased in the event of a loss in a subsequent rematch. For most people, winning is a drug.

Asking a winner for a rematch when you have lost is like asking to take heroine away from a junkie. Never going to happen.

Quitting a lost game without resigning is indeed rude (and lichess rightfully sanctions people who do it repeatedly). And false accusations of cheating are worse than rude.

But other than that what you describe is a normal online behavior, nothing rude about it. It is different from OTB chess. Exchanging pleasantries is not an expectation online. Many just want to play chess and are not interested in socializing at all. Some of those people may even choose to play online precisely because they want to avoid social interaction. Also don't forget that many are kids who are well advised to avoid chatting with strangers online altogether (for obvious reasons). So please don't accuse everybody of being rude just because they did not greet you before the game or congratulate you on your win or rejected your rematch request.

While I think we can all agree the only real rudeness is letting one's clock run down in a clearly hopeless position, everyone's threshold for the definition of jerk behaviour is different. In general, I'll say *Handshake* to someone at the start of a game played at a longer time control (>15min), and thank them for the game afterwards, regardless of the result. If someone says hello to me at the start of a game, I'll reciprocate. I'll accept or reject rematches depending on my mood or the time I've got left to play, but if someone turns down a rematch request from me, that's no big deal at all.
Other than that, life's too short to get hung up on stuff like this.

well if we say Rude and chess we must remember most famous case....

eric rosen

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cjmGZaUJ-o

and of course hakaru

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBmVaNbKf4U

A solution could be to avoid what you consider rude. Consider the games played like it was an arena or swiss tournament, not as round robin rematch tournaments. Try turning off the chat and the take-backs for rated games and only chat or message with friends. Go into preferences and play with the settings. Fix it so that you will see less rudeness.

When I want to concentrate, I'll often play in Zen mode [Z key], and use full screen [F11 function key]. When online, I resize the chess set to about 10" [2D, Blue 1 1⁄4" Squares, Governor pieces]. Playing incremented games seems to change the types of players I play against. I prefer 3+2 or 5+3 time controls. I don't really like to play zero incremented time controls or the time controls above 10 seconds per move. So this too filters the types of player you get paired with. When I want to totally avoid rudeness, I play against bots. lichess.org/player/bots

I think a chess game that isn't analysed is like leaving a needle in a haystack. At the very least it's just another chess game in a database. Scrutinize your chess games by analyzing them. It helps in multiple ways.