OMG!

@MrPushwood

"People, you're not playing for your souls here..."

As usual with these sorts of threads, that can also be a point for the other side. ;)

I know, I thought of that. I kind of wanted to discuss other topics that kind of deal with this, but didn't want to get into all that...But you brought it up, lol, so here goes, if anyone interested :)

I came on this site bc I recently started playing chess more seriously and wanted to compare myself to actual players (rather than the computer), and then became aware of the rating system. Trying to improve my rating is fun and it bugs me that I end up losing sometimes bc of the reason I gave, so yeah, it kind of makes me the one who takes it too seriously I guess ;)

And yes, it's just a game, nobody wants to be paranoid and mistrusting, but who knows if someone actually misclicked or just isn't happy with their move. I've hesitantly given takebacks, and the person asked for another one later in the game; at some point, one has to learn from their mistakes. And I've had someone with a higher rating than me lead the game, and ask for a takeback...Come on now! :D

And I've played against a type of player who asks a bunch of questions (which is distracting) and tells me that they're really young (I checked one's bio after once and saw that he was a grown man), and end up playing perfectly and beating me. I'm gonna politely ignore their questions in the future, but in any case, if they're better than me so be it; it has noting to do with being too proud to lose to younger better players, I don't care about that. And Lichess gives you opponents that are in your rating range anyway (I go to quick pairing), so you're always going to end up where you're supposed to be anyway. So all in all, although I do stress somewhat over losing I'm able to get over a loss quickly and I also know I'm never going to be a grandmaster and it's just a hobby for me ;)

Btw, here as in other games or sports, I often hear that one should play for the love of it before anything else; I will say that I fare much better when I'm in a mood for a good game of chess rather than playing to try to improve my rating (I play too fast I guess).

Another topic that's been on my mind is etiquette. I read a thread about how we should take the time to have a minimum of cordiality with each other. An argument against it was that "good game" and "well played" became very redundant after a while and no one needed to hear it. At first I was on the more friendly approach, but...

I don't know if the misclick etc comments made me sound like a jerk and sore loser, I feel that for the most part I'm a rather friendly easy-going guy, but when I've lost a bunch of games in a row don't expect a "well-played" from me, lol. And I don't need a "good game" from my opponent either, I'm not in the mood lol. And when I win I'm never really sure what to say bc everyone's different, some expect friendliness and others can't be bothered. I remember winning a game, giving a "good game", and was called a dickhead in return, lol. I would never let someone know they got to me, but I wasn't insulted, I knew exactly where he was coming from (like I said, bunch of losses in a row).

I played regularly against a roommate a couple of years ago, and as much as we tried to appear cordial, it was getting quite competitive. Chess is not for the faint of heart; it does have to do with one's intelligence, right? Yes, there's different forms of intelligence. Anyway, that's why I like to play here against random anonymous players: still not crazy about losing, but as I've said, I can get over a loss rather quickly. Anyway, good for those of you who can keep a very friendly attitude no matter what, I can't :)

Another problem with cordial chatting btw is that there's a lot of people here who don't speak English and it probably makes them feel bad when they don't know what you're saying and can't answer. In conclusion, I have no solution for this, when it comes to communication, we all just to do our best :)

@sparowe14

It was too late to edit my previous comment...Almost exactly, I can lose more than a pawn and still have some hope: more at the beginning though, not when there's less pieces and chances for my opponent to mess up. And I guess if I'm able to improve my rating I'll face more and more players who make less and less mistakes.

#11, #12. Improvised or meaningful conversation is a form of cordiality, you give some of yourself there. It does not have to be a convened or traditional formatted sentence. And, yes, lichess userbase is big enough to be representative of many kind of days any human can have, such human coming in all the possible diversity of tempers, attitude, or degree of hunger from postponing lunch for one more game, or sensitivity to same behavior by others.

One does not even have to agree with you about all that you expressed. The commitment to communication is enough to mean you care. so i find your global attitude from the last two post, to be effectively cordial. I like that. I was going to leave only emojis, but i still have a human size keyboard, my ten fingers, and thought i would take the time to write my compliments in words. that is more precise, and on par with your level of investment in here.

Also, a caveat to my lichess base being of good statistical size. the forum active subset may be a biased subset, in favor of those that want some communication beyond that recorded in PGN files. but still, maybe still big enough within that with respect to cordiality related diversity in type of persons, or daily predicaments...

@dboing

Wow, thank you for your well thought-out and kind message...I appreciate it!

I have no problem being cordial in society and in this forum, but yes, very true, who knows what kind of day anyone of us is having when sitting down for chess. I suffer from insomnia and often play because I can't sleep and I'm bored, but my mind isn't in it at all. I noticed things since joining Lichess and decided to take the opportunity to express them all, I doubt I'll have much more to say from here on, but your warm message certainly makes me feel welcomed to do so.

Again, thank you for your kind message, for taking the time to use your human size keyboard and ten fingers to write it :)

"Improvised or meaningful conversation is a form of cordiality..."

You sweet-talker you!