@Gambl0r I appreciate your longform comments and would like to suggest a few corrections based on lotsa experience (at higher levels as you may say).
Zh : white does not have such a great advantage, imo, at least below, like, way higher levels (like 23+). If you try and play a stronger player (1800, whatever), you will see that white far from always has the first attack (or it will be a weak one, like 3. Nxf7 "then what"). (All else you say is fine, indeed it is very chaotic especially at the lower levels, and precisely it's what gives black about 50% chances to come out ahead.)
Now in atomic, that's where white truly has a tremendous advantage, that is easy to maintain throughout the game. What you're missing is how key openings are in this one. Some openings are borderline theoretically winning for white, depending on who you ask. But if you give black slack, then the comeback might be sharp. "Trading minor pieces" doesn't make much sense since in the early game you don't actually trade pieces in atom, you only try to gain units by exploding two things or more. Up until a high level, one way to win is to be a specialist of one particular line for white, while with black you need to know enough to hold you own in just about all the opening lines.
And Horde is very much a fun waste of time, and there is an additional learning opportunity for combinations about defending against very many pawns with two lone remaining pieces, while the autocratic leader is busy in the back.