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Any comments on my gameplay here?

Wait, another question. How are you able to edit your post? I can't edit mine.
Well...

1) You managed to lose to an individual that missed mate in one... not once, not twice, but three times in a row.

2) You only lasted for five moves

3) You made 3 blunders, and a mistake and the engine is generous not to call the Bird 1) f4 an inaccuracy.

4) Basically, every move you made was wrong. Not only wrong but worst move wrong. It would be difficult to play moves that were less wrong. If I were playing moves in an effort to make the worst possible move I would play as you do.

My advice to you in order to improve your game you can take on the George Costanza strategy. There is an old Seinfeld episode where George realizes every decision he makes is wrong. So to turn things around he does the opposite. So just play the opposite of your instincts and you will become the greatest chess player in the world.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY

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