Imaginary Rating Anxiety

I can relate to a fair amount of what I read. I have other problems such as anxiety. I would like to teach chess someday--to mostly beginners. I sometimes worry that I will fail my future students. However, I feel that I have some time left--even if it is only 15 years or so--to improve my game AND improve my teaching skills. My OTB rating is very low. Several years ago it was 1328 it is below 1100. I had been taking lessons from a national master who lives in Missouri. The lessons went well for a while. My sleep cycle eventually worsened and I had trouble remembering things.

I hope it's not too late to reach a respectable rating, even if it is still below my instructor's rating. My main dream is to make a difference to chess players in my area. One of my short-term goals, after I improve my rating, will be to get a job (or volunteer) with a chess club in my region. I think they could help me improve my teaching skills.

Sometimes, I have my doubts...maybe I should have named myself #Bonkers.
By the way, thanks for sharing your story. It has given something to think about before dive into chess again. I wish you well.
been a while. Thanks for the veil over what comes after "thanks for reading". The clear separation of you giving us some fun things to read, and then the survival call. It might work better as a reminder that way. I still have to enjoy reading above. that.
The entry into the matters is already refreshing of styled honesty (as in theater, the honesty or message is behind the conventions of the staged art, not the representation itself, I think).
> I was sure I was winning a piece. So I spent five minutes checking my line, then played my move. Only to immediately realise I had missed an intermediate check my opponent had which allowed them to save themselves.

Initiative high-jacking our imagination that opponents have the secret of finding before we could, ruining our glorious deeper machinations.

When in doubt, in correspondance i actually expect my opponent to help me figure it out, based on that extra umpf of imagination opponent seem to always deploy side ways (width) more than I would... by playing what I did not see.

I try to prune that to things I could learn from, that my intuition and current more conscious knowledge could not see without me getting neck pain. but the time controls are typically of the order of one move a day.... So I get such reward of "eureka" nature pretty much every day... win or lose.
Hi. Im a young trainer, whilst being a pretty novice chess player. Ive also had (and still having all the time) high stress situations, which were killing me as a chess player. So, i went searching how to counter those stressive situations, and i guess found the stopgap way to regain consciousness (at least partially). Im extremely emotional, so i knew i wouldnt be able to completely stop the emotion, but may be able to redirect it, so i start playing the favourite music inside my head, sometimes even slightly humming to it.
If i have near endless amount of rage thats going to burn me from inside, why not try to spit some fire?
Aah this is crazy, why is OTB so different between countries. It hurts. Why are u 1700 and 1500 fide and me 2200 and 1300 fide. WHY??
> I should've checked and double checked and if I had done that, I would quite probably have found the correct moves.

It sounds like you have an obsession with winning, but also aren't playing to win.
@Chesss_Is_The_Life said in #8:
> Aah this is crazy, why is OTB so different between countries. It hurts. Why are u 1700 and 1500 fide and me 2200 and 1300 fide. WHY??
2 mainreasons:
- Some countries have a much longer history of chessratings than others. Recent developed countries have no ratingbase which makes gaining rating 10x harder.
- There is an insufficient mix of ratings between countries as travelling is too expensive/ timeconsuming.

Fide should clean this up but they don't care about ratings of amateurs.