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Best Jokes!

#1
Hello. Recently, I've been tired of playing chess, and I wanna take reposing and hilarious time to share and tell our best invented jokes that everyone would laugh at.

I invented this one myself:
Why burning things gives a lot of energy? Because fire works!
#2
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#3
If John had 150 candies and ate a 125, what does John have? Diabetes.
A statistician drowned in a river. He had calculated that the average depth was 3ft.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. After that, it is a soap opera.
What's the best thing about Switzerland, I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
I don't trust the trees, they seem kinda shady.
My wife was upset with me because she thought I had no sense of direction so I packed up and right.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
#4
I got hit by a snowball recently. It knocked me out cold.
A turtle got mugged by 3 snails. When a police officer asked the turtle what happened, the turtle said, "I don't know! It happened so fast!".
#5
@TakeThePawnOrLose said in #3:
> If John had 150 candies and ate a 125, what does John have? Diabetes.
> A statistician drowned in a river. He had calculated that the average depth was 3ft.
> Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. After that, it is a soap opera.
> What's the best thing about Switzerland, I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
> I don't trust the trees, they seem kinda shady.
> My wife was upset with me because she thought I had no sense of direction so I packed up and right.
> Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
you should make a stand-up show
#8
I went to the graveyard the other day and it looked a bit overcrowded. People must be doing to get in.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y (get it Tooth Hurt-y -> Two Thirty)
I went mountain climbing with a skeleton the other day. It didn't have to guts to climb over the mountain.
I was going to make a chemistry joke here, but I figured out wouldn't get a reaction.
What concert's ticket only cost 45 cents? A 50 cent concert featuring Nickelback.
Someone should take all the math books to a therapist, they have far too many problems.
I was going to put a joke my dad told me about a heavyweight fight but I forgot the punchline.
How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill? By walking. JK. Rowling. (get it Rowling -> rolling)
A guy walked into a bar - he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
If 2 vegetarians get into an argument, is it still called a beef?
I never get why people say the pick their nose. I don't remember too well but I think I was born with mine.
What countries capital is growing the fastest? Ireland - every day, it's Dublin.
People keep saying I'm fat and I tell them I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes? He won the "no-bell" prize.
What's brown and sticky? A stick
I once fell in love while performing a backflip. I was heels over head.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are the guilty of resisting a rest?
If you see a crime occur at the Apple store, are you an iWitness.
I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn't like it.
How do toddlers do more in one minute when I look away than the average adult does in a day.
A police recruit asked what would you do if you had to arrest you mom. He responded by saying he would call for backup.
Ah yes, my winter fat is finally gone, now I can have spring rolls.
#9
When the taxi came, the taxi asked where are you going to.
I said, take me to £10 if thats alright with you!

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