Counting game

"The King's Word is Law" - It was the night of the king's castration for the royal ball was about to come off.
All the counts and no accounts had joined together slinging the camel dung for bullshit had not yet been invented.
Alas Daniel came riding in on a camel, woe said Daniel, who"s hole cried the King, asshole said Daniel, score one for the common people.
So the King bade Daniel come forth, but Daniel slipped on a lion's turd and came in fifth. This displeased the King so he sent Daniel to the lion's den where a lion gently but firmly grabbed Daniel by his left ball, Oh that smarts said Daniel, What smarts cried the King, testicles said Daniel, score two for the common people.
And where's the princess cried the King; She's up in bed with the duke with the dangling dick, Screw her cried the king, so all the men in the kingdom were trampled by all the men in the kingdom as they rushed off to screw the princess.
And where's the Queen cried the King; She's up in bed with laryngitis. Oh is that Greek bastard back in town?
So the king bade the Queen roll over, Screwed if I do said the Queen, cornholed if you don't cried the King.
So the King sent the Queen to the dungeon on a diet of exlax and water, I'll starve said the Queen, You'll shit cried the King.
And shit she did, for in those days the King's word was law. :]

Achikiwawa. Lamaduiadasa rauīrtyu that. What did I just say?