David's Chess Journey - Installment 65

Reorientation

After being exited from my company in connection with a go private transaction back in February of this year, I have had the privilege of time to evaluate the different aspects of my life, including chess. What I learned about my relationship to chess was a bit surprising to me, but I'm sure won't be surprising to many of you. Here are three things that I have learned over the past weeks of reflection:

• I had, to some extent, an unhealthy relationship with chess. As a result, I gave it more of my time, finances and emotional resources than what was right for me at my season of life and ability level. To be clear, this is not a statement about what is appropriate for anyone else - this was an evaluation of what was appropriate for me at this stage of my life and level.
• I had, to some extent, the wrong motivation driving my chess journey. Part of why I spent so much of my life (and my resources) on chess was driven by a desire to prove the general consensus wrong re what adult improvers are capable of doing. That is, to some extent, I was working hard to prove myself to others. If that sounds upside down, it is.
• Despite my flaws and distorted motivational framework, I genuinely love the game and the community and history that surround it.

In response to these insights, I'm going to make a couple of changes to my relationship with chess for as long as they make sense:

• I'm only going to play casual rapid or classical games with a 0-+500 custom range so that rating and playing are not connected. (I will still allow rated 2+1 bullet games while I wait for my kids as I buss them around:)) I genuinely enjoy playing higher rated players, which is the reason behind the custom range. Losing to a higher rated player is always instructive and beating a higher rated player is rewarding. I beat a nearly 2100 rated player yesterday and it was fantastic. Granted, the nearly 2100 player did not play well, but the win still meant a lot to me. The easiest way to disconnect playing and rating is to, well, disconnect them. Pretty straightforward!
• I'm only going to study when I want to study, what I want to study and how I want to study. That way my time is driven by my interest and enjoyment rather than simply following what another person or program says I should be doing. I have no doubt that the programs and coaches that I have had to this point in my journey definitely know better than I do what is needed to improve at chess. But, only I know what is needed to maximize my chess enjoyment. And, if enjoyment is the primary function of chess, then this path makes much more sense and is much more sustainable. I also think that improvement is more probable in the long term if it flows from genuine enjoyment of the game rather than strict adherence to a program or schedule where enjoyment is lacking. If for no other reason than I will still be playing the game I love rather than quitting the game I've grown to dislike.

Less Blogging

Writing this blog has been a blast and has helped me to process my chess journey to this point. I've also met a lot of amazing people along the way. That said, I will not be keeping up the weekly cadence that I kept up for a while given that I will not likely have as much to say. But, I will post whenever I feel I have something to share that could be helpful or interesting to others.

I wish you all the very best in your chess journeys and hope that my reorientation to the game proves to be helpful for some as you think about your relationship to this beautiful game. For those of us who don't make a living playing the game, I hope that this is an encouragement to make enjoyment of the game, rather than improvement, the most important thing. If you aren't enjoying the study plan you are on, ditch it and do what you like. You, after all, are in control of your journey.