It is a very long story, but I have my life back.
I quit drinking, smoking, sinning and cheating, but I still lie though.
does removing these things make a person happier. is that one of the positives of religion or a code of ethics
Maybe doing those things will prevent me from committing suicide
Ahm, I think that I only said that I drink and that I also smoke, because it is possible that I would do it in the future; I was very unhappy as I wrote this theme, it was written with subconciousness. It is difficult for me to explain; please try to consider that I am very self-critic with myself. Also, under a certain measurement: I am a hypocrite, so I wrote those lines only as a reflection. But actually I've never drunken any alcohol, but I did try to smoke a cigarette as a teenage.
For a couple of years I have cheated in my heart; and I guess I still do this deep inside me if I don't conceit myself. I have lied countless of times and I still do. I'm not proud of myself about this, in fact very disappointing, it's like stepping forward and then stepping back again. I have nothing against religions though. I have visited different churches in my life; I think that as long as they teach us how to be contented and happy in life: I think that they are OK. I would not advice people to be 'right wing', you know what I mean ... those who strive to be over-righteous. We are human so I think it is allowed to have failures. If you have a very strong conviction about your faith, maybe you are afraid to sin; but it is happening all the time, so I don't focus on such, I just live my life. It's like going for a trot in the mountain, you stumble but still you continue your adventure and try to enjoy it.
And about suicide, it is a very serious topic.
I understand people if they think about suiciding, I knew real good people in my life who also tried to just give up life because their sufferings became too unbearable. A couple of times I also thought of just not standing up anymore, but stay in my bed. There have been days of stone, not shimmering diamonds. The thing is, I can't even tell my problems to my siblings or to my mother, not even to my best friend; they have enough problems, you know when people run to you for help you have got no choice than to be strong and then you try not to think about yourself, you only keep everything inside you. My apology for wearing my heart on my sleeve.
For a couple of years I have cheated in my heart; and I guess I still do this deep inside me if I don't conceit myself. I have lied countless of times and I still do. I'm not proud of myself about this, in fact very disappointing, it's like stepping forward and then stepping back again. I have nothing against religions though. I have visited different churches in my life; I think that as long as they teach us how to be contented and happy in life: I think that they are OK. I would not advice people to be 'right wing', you know what I mean ... those who strive to be over-righteous. We are human so I think it is allowed to have failures. If you have a very strong conviction about your faith, maybe you are afraid to sin; but it is happening all the time, so I don't focus on such, I just live my life. It's like going for a trot in the mountain, you stumble but still you continue your adventure and try to enjoy it.
And about suicide, it is a very serious topic.
I understand people if they think about suiciding, I knew real good people in my life who also tried to just give up life because their sufferings became too unbearable. A couple of times I also thought of just not standing up anymore, but stay in my bed. There have been days of stone, not shimmering diamonds. The thing is, I can't even tell my problems to my siblings or to my mother, not even to my best friend; they have enough problems, you know when people run to you for help you have got no choice than to be strong and then you try not to think about yourself, you only keep everything inside you. My apology for wearing my heart on my sleeve.
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