Breaking The Silence Online

22 Oct 202321,115 viewsEnglish (US)

In this blog I share some of my experiences with online harassment as a female chess player. What is the extent of the problem and what, if anything can be done about it?

Recently I mentioned to a male friend here on Lichess that I must have reported at least five users in the last couple of months for either harassment, bullying, inappropriate, creepy and explicit private messages or similarly unwanted behaviour, and they were shocked. My friend had no idea how common this sort of thing was and hadn’t even really given it much thought. And why would he, if it was not directly affecting him?

The events that have surfaced in the USCF and the STLCC in recent times have highlighted some pretty serious issues that the chess world has known about for decades. Lichess responded to the scandal by publicly cutting ties with both organisations. A Lichess blog (1) and associated forum thread (2) on the topic followed, with almost a thousand posts on the discussion thread. Clearly, this is a subject that is very much at the forefront of public interest.

Women in chess in general have been subjected to sexual harassment and abuse, sometimes to the point where they give up chess entirely. Sometimes, no doubt, to the point where law enforcement agencies have become involved. WFM Alexandra Botez said in an interview with “The Insider” in 2020 that Netflix's "The Queen's Gambit"...

“...is the most accurate portrayal of chess in Hollywood, but it doesn't go far enough to depict the sexism ingrained in the culture of the sport.” - WFM Alexandra Botez (3)

We are Few

It has not gone unnoticed to me as a female Lichess user, that we are in a very small minority here. Fortunately, I am comfortable in male company for the most part, having worked in several very male-dominated industries professionally, and I don’t mind too much being in the minority. I don’t know if anyone knows the exact percentage of male and female users on Lichess, but various sources suggest that female chess players make up approximately 5-20% of the total chess-playing population. I imagine this could be similar online. I still find it a bit odd in 2023 that there is such a large gender-linked participation gap in a sport.

It happens...

Sometimes female users encounter unwanted attention online. It can be in the form of sexist or derogatory comments about their chess ability because they are female, verbal insults, explicit or inappropriate private messages, or requests for personal information such as social media links, photos, videos, mobile numbers and geographical location. Some of my female friends here have told me they have suffered prolonged and serious online stalking and harassment over many months or years on chess websites. I have also encountered male users who seem to persistently seek out both adult and underaged female users to encourage them to join their teams.

Sexism in chess

In the Wikipedia article on Women in Chess, it states that:

"Polgár,[14] Shahade[13] and Houska[16] have said that they have encountered sexism, including belittling comments about their abilities, opponents who refused to shake hands, and online trolls questioning if girls and women belong in chess.

Several male players have commented negatively on women's performance in chess. In a 1963 interview, Bobby Fischer was dismissive of female players, calling them "terrible" and said it was because "[women] are not so smart".[18] In 2015, Nigel Short argued that male players performed better because men and women were "hard-wired" for different skills,[19] which was met with controversy.[20] In 2022, Ilya Smirin, while broadcasting live during the ninth round of the FIDE Women's Grand Prix 2022-23, said that chess was "maybe not for women", and also praised a woman for playing like a man.[21] FIDE apologized through Twitter and called Smirin's comments embarrassing and offensive. The same day FIDE fired Smirin for making "offensive remarks".[22]" (5)

So what?

So what do I want to achieve by posting this? I would like to know what experiences other female users have had online, I know I am not the only one (please don’t name or shame anyone publicly, use https://lichess.org/report )

I want to raise awareness of this issue so that the vast majority of decent male users can be more aware of it, on the lookout for it in forums and arena chats, and speak out against it when they see it, and report it. It would be great if we could all be more aware of the issue so we can support our female friends better. I would love it if there was a major culture shift so that we don’t accept it as normal or appropriate, or just look the other way.

Some Personal Examples

“What’s your OnlyFans?”

I joined an arena recently where some of the guys made some questionable innuendos in the chat, mainly directed towards a popular Titled female streamer then three others joined in and it spiralled into the gutter. My polite requests to keep things family-friendly fell on deaf ears, and after receiving a hefty dose of personal insults, including asking if I had an OnlyFans, and gaslighting me, I reported it.
They were all timed out of the chat the next day. I was so upset and disgusted that I left that arena without playing any games. I would love to post the content of that chat here as an example, but it’s too offensive to publish.

“All Women Are Hookers...”

I have also had arguments here in the forum with a user who later posted some really offensive video content on his YouTube channel, calling all women “hookers” and saying “they should be treated as such”. This is the kind of sick individual we are dealing with. On his channel, he also posts chess content. I’ll be honest, I would be afraid to run into him at an OTB tournament (unlikely though), and if I am unfortunate enough to ever be paired with him in an online arena here, I will probably just resign on the spot because I don’t want to have any kind of interaction with him at all. Playing chess against people who are genuinely hostile towards you is never a good idea, in my opinion, chess can be weaponised.

“You Brought It On Yourself”

Someone said to me that recently I had “brought it on myself” in relation to getting a hard time in some of the forums when I was outspoken on certain issues. Not so much that it was my fault, or even that I deserved it, but that in challenging some posters who were exhibiting misogynistic opinions in the forum, I had made myself a target. Other friends who were concerned for my welfare advised me not to “feed the trolls” and to stay out of the forum threads and just not interact with them at all. But what would that achieve? I couldn’t just stand by and say nothing, sometimes silence and inaction feel like condoning it. After all, aren’t we supposed to be Breaking the Silence? Isn’t silence and inaction here a lot of the problem?

“I’m Watching Your Every Move”

Only the other day I received a random message from a stranger saying that (although) I did not know them, they knew me and were watching my every move. That felt a bit weird and creepy. Another guy sent me an explicit private message about what he wanted to do with himself when he got home. Prior to this, we had been talking about chess...hardly a natural conversational progression from the Rapid League to the bedroom. One guy once said in an arena chat that all female chess players were ugly, and challenged me to send him pictures of myself to prove otherwise.

“Why don’t you just make a new account?”

Often my friends ask me “Why don’t you just make a new account, with a not-so-obviously female handle? It would be an easy way out, of course, I have thought of that, and I know some female users who have made that decision specifically to avoid constant harassment and derogatory remarks, which is sad, or even worse, closed their account and never returned. For me, it is a conscious decision to be unambiguously and visibly female, so that I can encourage other female users that they have company and are not alone. Of course, this is a double-edged sword and sometimes comes at a personal cost.

A Few Quotes

"You are 1300, you know literally nothing. I'm surprised if you even know how the knights move!"

"...you Irish wannabe gangster Galway girl that nobody dates."

"There's no women in here because most women are not interested in chess, kind of have a bootstrap paradox if you think otherwise."

The Silent and Not-So-Silent Supporters

One unexpected and very welcome outcome of choosing to engage with certain individuals in the forums, and challenge their (in my opinion) unsavoury views was that quite a few people, male and female, reached out to me via private message and offered their support and friendship. Some of these people have since become good friends, and in turn, introduced me to other friends. Some of them shared harrowing stories with me of their own harassment experiences, some told me they were too afraid to report it or didn’t believe any action would be taken if they did. Of course, I encouraged them to always report this kind of behaviour. I also reached out to some users in gratitude because they had publicly defended me when things got heated and I was verbally attacked, and I really appreciated that, even more so since they didn’t know me at the time. They were standing up and being “real men” risking personal backlash by speaking out against abuse.

Lichess is Fab!

I want to be clear that this is not in any way a criticism of this platform, or of the Lichess moderation team who work tirelessly to stamp this sort of disgusting behaviour out. I have had only good experiences of how things have been handled here in this regard, I have been touched by the level of individual care and compassion shown to me. Unfortunately wherever there are people, these sorts of things are bound to happen, as in the real world.

Most of the Guys here are Fab too!

The vast majority of users I interact with on this site are male and are lovely, fantastic individuals. They are polite, respectful, friendly and would never dream of doing any of the stuff I have described above. I enjoy their company in games, in the teams I help to run and in the tournaments I organise, and we work well together as co-leaders of our various teams.

Hope for the future - Women In Chess Foundation

Recently, perhaps in response to the aforementioned scandals, and the gender imbalance in the game, a new organisation, the Women in Chess Foundation has been launched “with the goal of increasing the participation rates of girls and women in the game at all levels while creating safer environments and helping improve the quality of women's chess events.”(3)

I first heard about this from a female friend in the ECF and was delighted to see such positive action being taken on a global level. I was also very encouraged to see Lichess staff taking a central role in this project. This gives me hope for the future, that at least Lichess takes this issue very seriously and is prepared to take action to address this plague in the chess world.

Lichess has published a blog today on the launch of the WICF: https://lichess.org/@/WomenInChess/blog/announcing-the-women-in-chess-foundation/IGgtshRV

So, what now?

In summary, while I have had some experiences of online abuse and harassment, I suspect that my experiences have been mild compared to what some other users have endured. I suspect that what we know and what is actually reported may just be the tip of the iceberg. I worry that this issue may be a significant cause of female players giving up online chess, thereby contributing more towards the gender participation imbalance in chess.

So where does this leave us now? There is definitely a problem online as well as in over-the-board chess tournaments. It is only a very small minority of users that are the problem but unfortunately, they can still have a big impact on the individuals they harass. What can be done about them then? Obviously, they can be reported and blocked, and receive a range of sanctions from warnings to chat bans, to ToS violation marks and account closure or even IP or device bans. The problem then happens when they come back with a new account, and it starts again. Some of them have come back many times to stalk and harass the same user from multiple new accounts. This obviously presents significant challenges. I have had a range of responses from people when discussing this issue. Some say that it is just an unfortunate feature of online gaming and that these people will always be there, and to a certain extent I think this is true.

But should we just accept that as the status quo? Should we swim against the tide, and try to change the culture? Should we speak out in the forums when people are trying to victim-blame and use other, similarly unsound and even harmful arguments? Questions like "Why didn't she report it if it really happened?" "Why didn't she go to the police?" "Why didn't the girl tell her parents or her coach?" "What if she ruins his reputation by reporting it?" "What if he loses his job?" "Well did you see what she was wearing? Of course, she was asking for it!" are not constructive in the debate and reveal the underlying attitudes. At the root of it, it is just a societal problem spilling over into the online domain, but the nature of online is such that there is naturally more anonymity and perhaps a sense of less accountability. I wonder how many would-be online abusers would say it to my face, as it were?

Online bullies and abusers have the shelter of anonymity behind their screens and keyboards. Is it as if it isn't even real harassment to them, perhaps? Maybe online they feel there is no real victim? Just some anonymous username with no feelings or emotions. Someone once said to me that they behave really badly online compared with in real life because it's "not real", and it "doesn't matter". When I asked him if he would say it to a woman in person, he was horrified and said "Of course not!" So what is the difference then? Every user has a real person behind it (BOTs excepted!).

Of course, I am not saying that male users don't suffer abuse online, or that females are never the perpetrators, but in this article, I am referring specifically to abuse, harassment and online bullying directed towards female chess players by males in online chess platforms such as Lichess.

So in response,

Ladies, what experiences have you had online that you are willing to share (please remember not to shame anyone publicly, instead use https://lichess.org/report thank you) in order to help raise awareness of this issue? What specific issues have you faced?

Guys, how aware were you before reading this, that online harassment of female users is a frequent occurrence (and not always reported for various reasons, fear of retribution, victim-blaming, lack of faith in “the system”, trauma and so on)? How do you think you can make a difference?

Lichess admins:

Can anything more be done to tackle this issue?
Is there a specific policy to protect the welfare of women and girls on this site and if so, has it been reviewed or modified in light of the STLCC/USCF scandal?
Have you ever surveyed (male or female) users on their experience of this sort of thing to quantify the extent of the issue?
Do you envisage the Women In Chess Foundation initiative having a practical effect here in Lichess, or is it just an over-the-board initiative?

It is really past time that we all work together to put a stop to this.

Thanks for reading, please leave a comment in the forum thread!

Please stay on topic and be civil!

References

Links

All images except Yin & Yang Horsey are (c) QRM and my own intellectual property

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