How I Went From 2000 FIDE to 2000 FIDE in just 3 years (as an adult)

Three years ago I was just coming off a career high, taking sole first place in my regional championship with a 2200 FIDE performance. In just three short years, I have managed not only to maintain my rating at a solid 2000, but I have done so while pouring as many pointless hours into the game as I could muster. How was it possible? Here I will outline the steps one must follow if they wish to replicate my story.

Volume, not quality

If you want to become a really great chess player, you need to immerse yourself in the game; live it, eat it, breathe it. But it does not follow that immersing yourself will make you a really great chess player. What are the activities that one should fill their time with if they want to convince themselves they are "working on their chess?"

1. Youtube videos. Watch as many youtube videos as you can, with the wackiest thumbnails you can find. If someone is holding their head in surprise at a move, this video is probably maximally relevant for your chess improvement and should be clicked on immediately.
2. Twitch streams. The home of noncontent- billions and billions of hours of it. Watch a 6 hour stream of four grandmaster games and stare in wonder at the reams of analysis being produced by your GM commentators. Or watch some 'big name' streamers if you want to predict who is going to blunder a piece last. Either way be sure to do so with a glazed expression on your face, you wouldn't want to tire out your eyes.
3. Discord. Discord channels are a great place to have all sorts of chess discussions. You can talk about who was the best player out of Alekhine and Capablanca, or why all of somebodies favourite openings are refuted even though nobody knows the refutation, or you can look at cat pictures, or perhaps discuss the merits of affirmative action, or... I'm sure there was a reason I joined this discord. Oh well, here's my opinion on the latest marvel film-

Take the easy path

There are many aspects to any chess player's skill. One player might be weaker in strategy, but a tactical genius. Many players completely fall apart when they reach an endgame. But what's the one point we can all agree on? If only our openings were better, we'd be at least 300 elo higher. This is fortunate, because it's much easier to mindlessly drill opening practice than it is to work on any other part of your game! Here are some useful resources to do just that:

1. Chessable
2. Chesstempo opening training
3. Your chess library of 150 books, of which you have opened four

Of these I recommend chessable most of all, because the more money you spend the more you feel like you ought to have improved.

Stay away from anything that might produce a failure

It feels bad to lose. It feels bad to know that despite all the work we've done, there is always more to do. It feels bad that we will always make mistakes. How can we resolve this? The answer is very simple- never do any of those things!
If you play serious, classical chess games, you run the risk of getting very invested in the result. This is problematic because you might lose the game, and then you'd be sad, or angry. Nobody wants to be sad or angry. So make sure that if you do play any actual chess games, you are entirely uninvested in the outcome. The easiest way to do this is by volume, so I recommend cramming as many 1+0 games into a play session as possible.
Similarly, if you work on chess exercises from workbooks, you might find that you don't get all the answers correct. This is incredibly frustrating, because we want to be a good player. Good players get the answers correct. If I don't do any exercises, then it's possible I'm living in the universe where I would get the answers correct too. There's nothing to disprove this, since I'm not going to try and find out. Now I can rest easy.

There you have it. Did you think it would be difficult? Not at all! I am so happy to tell you that this is the easiest thing in the world. Just follow these steps... many of you are already well on your way! And maybe in a few years time, we can meet on the battlefield, and it will look remarkably similar to that time we met on the battlefield five years earlier. Until then!