Hi, I've been playing and learning about chess for about a year. I truly love it, if you like chess then you'll never be bored.
However, I have a hard time dealing with defeats. Some days there's no problem, but other times the tilt just makes me angry at my opponent, like really really angry. I have said some things on chat that are really unacceptable. I feel ashamed and regretful, because this is a great site with a wonderful community and with this attitude I'm just making it worse.
This is kind of a confession, I guess. I'd be interested to know if others have gone through the same and what to do about it. I'm considering quitting altogether because is no good for me and certainly unfair and awful to the great people of Lichess. I am truly sorry.
Just switch off the chat. Play, do not chat.
The better players have more difficulty dealing with defeat. Those who are indifferent to winning or losing usually do not become strong. The key is to bend the negative emotions connected with losing to self improvement. After a loss Always analyse your game so as to avoid losing in similar circumstances.
You should be angry about yourself. And refrain from chatting.
As the years go by you will recognize that we are all clowns.
Why are you playing chess?
I think if can honestly answer you'll find the solution.
Sounds as if the anger is about "points", that chess measures stuff which it does not. Safely said, you'll never be world champion. Maybe it's best to quite now and save much grief.
But then again... if you truly love the game, you'll continue to enjoy the hobby. Nothing to get angry about. It's self defeating.
This chat business, what if you were playing in the real world across the table with your opponent?
Unfortunately, this Hikaru player has set a very poor precedence over the years. Yes, for sure he has learned of late to control his emotions, is doing a much better job of presenting himself as a good sportsman. He is very popular and becoming a respectable role model.
That being said, he was a brash and abusive player since his very early days, cussing out adults OTB at the age of ten. His tantrums are legendary. I'd compare him to John McConroe, "the bad boy of tennis", who later in his career did a complete 180. Naka's popularity in part grew because of this rebellious and disrespectful attitude which attracts imitation by the young. He knew he'd be an elite player one day, gave him a sense of entitlement. I'd like to hear his answer about dealing with the emotion of anger after a defeat. Does he still feel the same as his early days?
I don't have too much to add that hasn't already been said, and my strategy of saying something positive in the chat when the game starts and ends probably wouldn't work in bullet anyways, given how fast-paced it is (Judging by your game history, it looks like you mostly play bullet games).
When I make a small connection with my opponent at the beginning or end of the game, it reminds me that my opponent isn't just pieces moving on a computer screen, but that it's another person, trying their best - and that if I end up losing, it means somebody just experienced a victory, and good for them.
Everybody deals with anger and stress different ways - the ones who posted before me offer sound advice too.
@Sarg0n "As the years go by you will recognize that we are all clowns." That is so true!
(we are all clowns, especially that weird guy in the mirror)
I am always angry about myself when i lose a game, my opponent is not important because I made mistakes, blunders he simply punished me for making them.
Ask yourself why are you really getting angry? I bet you are not angry at your opponent, but about yourself. You think that you should have played better. But you just didn't given some random circumstances. Why not take it as it is and move on? Everyone makes mistakes! Take it as a lesson and get better. Isn't that your ultimate goal? To get better?
I have come to the conclusion that for me it is all about self worth and not connecting that to anything I do.
Meaning that I am always the same wonderful human being deep down :), no matter how well or poorly I perform. Just like everybody else is too.
So stop using chess, or anything else, as a gauge for your self worth.
