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Considering walking away from chess

I wanted to post this topic in this forum because it's something that has been on my mind for a long time. This hasn't been an overnight kind of issue that just came out of the blue.

I have played this game of chess since I was 12 years old. I am now 33, going to be 34, and it's obvious that I don't have much to show for all my time playing. Typically chess players gradually develop their skills as they get older. Those who really put in the time to practice find out what works best for them and they get good at the game.

To me, it seems like I never got that memo.

For those of you on Lichess who have ever played a game against me, I would like to apologize to you if I have ever got up and abandoned a game while playing you. There is obviously no good reason for doing this, but I have abandoned many games. One reason I have for doing this is not because of my opponents, but because of how lousy my level of play has been. I used to be fairly good playing chess when I was younger. Today it seems like I have regressed so much that I don't even recognize what I'm doing on the chessboard anymore.

Many people call this "tilt" and I'm not sure this is the case for me. If it is tilt, I have been experiencing a really bad case of tilt for a long time now. I feel like the more I play lousy and lose games, the worse this tilt is going to get for me. I have been already warned by Lichess admins not to keep abandoning games or else my account would be terminated. I don't want that result to be the lasting image of me as an online chess player. However, something about how I play chess must change or else I don't see the need to keep playing.

If I don't improve how I play chess anytime soon, I am strongly considering walking away from chess altogether and not look back. I mean, off and on I've been doing this for about 20 years. I've never gotten the help I've needed in the form of other people to help me improve my game. I lack focus when I read chess books. I also have a ton of other things going on in real life right now which is making the idea of playing chess look silly in comparison. This sounds like a recipe for disaster for anyone who tries to play this game.

As it is now, I am taking a much-needed break from playing online chess. I am considering at the very least no longer playing online chess anywhere, and if I do ever play chess it will be in-person, over the board.

Fellow chess players, just tell me what you think. I believe that if you're no longer having fun doing something, then why are you doing it? I'm at that point right now.
You definitely should take a break. Come back to chess not after a certain amount of time, but only when you truly want to play again.
#1,

What about playing in person. Do have any nearby options ? .....Clubs, cafes or outdoor park hotspots ?

Up state in my legal place of residence, I would sometimes play when the formal local chess club met. But I'd also attend more informal gatherings at outdoor tables at one of the parks near the fountain / duck pond, or inside at tables in a casual eatery.

-------------> In whatever face-to-face location, I think sometimes it's quite different when you can look across at a friendly face, have some fun, comraderie, humor.

Winning or losing, it can still be fun and a good time. When you're stuck plopped down in front of a computer, and communication is sporadic, difficult, brief, we can get a little too wound up about the game, and forget that that's what it is......and how fun it is !

When I'm multitasking around the house I play Stockfish Level 6, giving the both of us tons of time (it plays much better that way, even if the moves are still near-instantaneous).....and it's been pounding me mercilessly lately. But I could take that without anxiety from a human that was friendly and good-humored about it.

But if you play online and don't see / interact with the opponent, your genetic predisposition is to see the battle more in terms the kind of critical, mortal combat that mammals are programmed to win OR ELSE.....their genes might not propagate :-)

.......it's easy to get down on yourself for no reason
Honestly, maybe chess just isn't your game. If I were in your shoes I'd quit, personally.
@LloydThompson said in #3:
> #1,
>
> What about playing in person. Do have any nearby options ? .....Clubs, cafes or outdoor park hotspots ?

I read your entire post. To answer this, no, I don't have any nearby options for clubs, cafes, or outdoor park hotspots for playing chess in-person. There's nothing organized where I live, which is a small town.

I have begun to believe that this is the end of the road for me as far as being able to play chess competitively. I have become disillusioned with the idea of playing chess online especially. It not only doesn't feel fun anymore, but it also doesn't feel real to me anymore. I feel like everything is going way too fast when I play. I can't seem to properly study positions on the board. My development speed of pieces feels really slow, and that I take forever before I castle.

I just have this feeling that "I have better things to do with my life than to worry about moving pieces around on a board." It's sad because when I first started playing chess I loved it, but now it feels like a huge burden even playing one game.
If it’s become a huge burden in your life, release it, lay it down. Give yourself the permission to pursue other interests in your life. You owe it to yourself to find joy as best you can. Chess may not be a part of your journey today, or even tomorrow. Perhaps you’ll take it up again or perhaps not. Focus on you right now, and your family and friends. Peace.
@OrangeFox7 said in #1:
> ... For those of you on Lichess who have ever played a game against me, I would like to apologize
> to you if I have ever got up and abandoned a game while playing you. There is obviously no
> good reason for doing this, but I have abandoned many games. One reason I have for doing
> this is not because of my opponents, but because of how lousy my level of play has been. ...
Why would that cause you to refrain from resigning?
@OrangeFox7 said in #1:

> Fellow chess players, just tell me what you think. I believe that if you're no longer having fun doing something, then why are you doing it?

I think you answered yourself.
Everyone wants to get better at chess if possible, but if you're obsessed with always getting better, and it's frustrating you, then quit. There are more important things, chess is great as long as you enjoy it.
don't be too hard on yourself

try to read more chess literature like the memoirs of some old master

play less but try to savour it when you do

good luck brother

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