A rook is on the A1 square and the knight is on the B1 square both playing baseball. The baseball is about to land on the B2 square and is 5 feet from hitting the ground, and the rook and knight were saying "We need help!" Why?
Because it takes the rook two moves to get there and the Knight takes 3. How do you think of that?
- My wife told me that she will ask me for the divorce if I play in the tournament next weekend.
- Oh, really!? What are you going to do?
- e4 as always...
I heard a joke but can't remember it fully.
Had to deal with growing up and playing chess. You can't do both. So if you want to be a pro chess player, you're a man child.
"Hello, Bobby, this is President Nixon. I just wanted to call and congratulate you on your victory in Iceland."
"Make it short will you? I'm tired."
"This is a great day for America, Bobby."
"It's a greater day for me. I won $150,000 and I showed these Icelandic creeps a thing or two."
"You know, Bobby, I almost made the chess team at Whittier College."
"Big deal."
"But I went out for football, instead."
"Is that what this call is about?"
"Now wait a minute, Bobby. I always call anyone who wins a championship for America. I would like to give you a white-tie dinner at the White House when you come back."
"How much will you pay me to come?"
"Pay you? I don't pay people to have dinner at the White House."
"Then what's in it for me?"
"I'll invite the cabinet, the Supreme Court, the leaders of Congress, and every rich Republican chess player in the country. I'll get Guy Lombardo to play after dinner. It's the least I can do for someone who beat the great Spassky."
"All right, I'll come, but these are my demands: You send the presidential plane to Iceland to pick me up. You personally meet me at the plane, and provide me with a limousine, a suite of rooms, a private tennis court, my own swimming pool and 10 Secret Service men so I'm not bugged by the press."
"I think I can do that, Bobby."
"And no television cameras."
"No television cameras?"
"I hate television cameras. They send me into a frenzy. If I see one television camera at the dinner, I'm walking out."
"Don't worry, Bobby. There won't be any television cameras."
"And no talking while I'm eating. I can't eat when people talk."
"It's very difficult to hold a large dinner at the White House and not have anyone talk."
"That's your problem. If I hear noise of any kind, you're going to have to get yourself another world champion chess player."
"Anything you say, Bobby. It's your dinner."
"What time is this shindig of yours going to take place?"
"I thought about 8 o'clock."
"I'll be there at 9. I don't like to stand around and make small talk with a lot of stuffed-shirt politicians."
"I understand, Bobby".
"And I'm bringing my own chair. I can't eat when I'm using someone else's chair. And you better know this right now. I don't like bright lights when I'm eating. If the lights are too bright, I don't start the first course."
"No bright lights. I got you, Bobby. I just want to add how proud we all are of you. You're an inspiration to the young people of America."
The President hangs up and calls Richard Helms of the CIA. "Dick, I'm sending the presidential plane to Iceland to pick up Bobby Fischer. Do me a favor. After he's on board, will you see that it's hijacked to Cuba?"
When is dropping a piece OK?
When you're playing crazyhouse.
What type of TV chess variant is considered "adult swim"? (Rated for adults to watch)
King Of the hill, because of the show.
What type of chess house goes berserk when it is not clean?
A Crazyhouse!
My favorite part of chess is when I mate with the queen. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Why do Far East Movement play the Scilian Dragon?
They Like A G6.
