I am very interested in hearing from people who found love (or are trying to find love) on Lichess.
A recent study out of Stanford Unviersity (web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf) showed that some 39% of heterosexual couples that got together in the US in 2017 met online. This number is increasing, and by 2030 it is predicted that over 50% of relationships will begin online.
In evolutionary biology, it is known that organisms that have to co-operate and compete with other organisms of their species inevitably arrange themselves into dominance hierarchies. Jordan Peterson states that dominance hierarchies are predicated on competence. In terms of human attraction and mating, he further states that "Women mate across and up dominance hierarchies, men mate across and down. The socio-economic status of a woman determines almost zero of her attractiveness to a man where as the socio-economic status of a man is a major determinant of his attractiveness to a woman. And it isn’t his wealth. It’s his capacity to generate and be productive and to share".
On Lichess, there is a dominance hierarchy, since higher rating indicates greater competence. Competence conveys a lot of useful information about a potential mate. For instance, their genetic quality (innate ability to solve problems and think creatively) and their character traits of working consistently and hard long term. Success in the chess rating competence hierarchy therefore also predicts ability to be a good mating partner, since women/children are more likely to be protected by a man with traits that lead them to climb a dominance hierarchy succesfully.
While chess is a hobby, we are also humans, with desires to find relationships and produce children. There were 320,953 active blitz players this week. Let us assume that 50%+ of them playing more than a few hours of chess per week. This is an enormous pool of humans who are likely to be looking for relationships, especially given that the quantity of time playing chess correlates with probability of not currently being in a relationship.
Given that we spend so much time participating on this website, it makes sense to also use this time to find a mate. Personally, given that my rating is in the 98%+ percentile, it also makes sense to utilise this position in the dominance hierarchy and the information it conveys in order to secure prospective mates. From an evolutionary standpoint, if I did not do this, there would be limited utility in climbing the chess rating hierarchy in the first place.
Anecdotally speaking, I also met a beautiful girl at a coffee shop a few weeks ago and asked her on a first date. During the date, she asked about my passions and I told her of my interest in chess. Then I showed her some of my favourite opening variations that get imbalanced positions with lots of activity and dynamism. I actually got the Lichess app out and flicked through a few master games from the database, pointing out the imbalances and positional trumps. She didn't understand it at all. She said she "didn't really know the rules of chess" and "would rather we talk about some other things where we have common ground". I was disappointed, since my mentors told me that the enthusiasm of speaking about your passions is attractive by itself. I am starting to doubt whether this advice really holds up to reality testing. We did not meet again and she is not replying to my texts.
While disappointing, this experience got me thinking - why would I first meet a stranger, then hope they understand my passion for chess. The much more efficient method would be to start by selecting from the pool of passionate chess players, then try to begin the process of romantic courtship with chess as a common ground.
I believe that many of us can find love here on Lichess. I am very curious to hear of (1) any success stories of relationships beginning on Lichess and (2) your specific strategies to move things from "just opponents" to more "romantic".
Long term, Lichess could introduce Dating as one of the options displaying under the Community tab at the top. i.e. Players / Teams / Forums / Dating. I'm also open to first dates with anyone reading this who is romantically interested.
🙏 Warm regards, Burrower 🙏
A recent study out of Stanford Unviersity (web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf) showed that some 39% of heterosexual couples that got together in the US in 2017 met online. This number is increasing, and by 2030 it is predicted that over 50% of relationships will begin online.
In evolutionary biology, it is known that organisms that have to co-operate and compete with other organisms of their species inevitably arrange themselves into dominance hierarchies. Jordan Peterson states that dominance hierarchies are predicated on competence. In terms of human attraction and mating, he further states that "Women mate across and up dominance hierarchies, men mate across and down. The socio-economic status of a woman determines almost zero of her attractiveness to a man where as the socio-economic status of a man is a major determinant of his attractiveness to a woman. And it isn’t his wealth. It’s his capacity to generate and be productive and to share".
On Lichess, there is a dominance hierarchy, since higher rating indicates greater competence. Competence conveys a lot of useful information about a potential mate. For instance, their genetic quality (innate ability to solve problems and think creatively) and their character traits of working consistently and hard long term. Success in the chess rating competence hierarchy therefore also predicts ability to be a good mating partner, since women/children are more likely to be protected by a man with traits that lead them to climb a dominance hierarchy succesfully.
While chess is a hobby, we are also humans, with desires to find relationships and produce children. There were 320,953 active blitz players this week. Let us assume that 50%+ of them playing more than a few hours of chess per week. This is an enormous pool of humans who are likely to be looking for relationships, especially given that the quantity of time playing chess correlates with probability of not currently being in a relationship.
Given that we spend so much time participating on this website, it makes sense to also use this time to find a mate. Personally, given that my rating is in the 98%+ percentile, it also makes sense to utilise this position in the dominance hierarchy and the information it conveys in order to secure prospective mates. From an evolutionary standpoint, if I did not do this, there would be limited utility in climbing the chess rating hierarchy in the first place.
Anecdotally speaking, I also met a beautiful girl at a coffee shop a few weeks ago and asked her on a first date. During the date, she asked about my passions and I told her of my interest in chess. Then I showed her some of my favourite opening variations that get imbalanced positions with lots of activity and dynamism. I actually got the Lichess app out and flicked through a few master games from the database, pointing out the imbalances and positional trumps. She didn't understand it at all. She said she "didn't really know the rules of chess" and "would rather we talk about some other things where we have common ground". I was disappointed, since my mentors told me that the enthusiasm of speaking about your passions is attractive by itself. I am starting to doubt whether this advice really holds up to reality testing. We did not meet again and she is not replying to my texts.
While disappointing, this experience got me thinking - why would I first meet a stranger, then hope they understand my passion for chess. The much more efficient method would be to start by selecting from the pool of passionate chess players, then try to begin the process of romantic courtship with chess as a common ground.
I believe that many of us can find love here on Lichess. I am very curious to hear of (1) any success stories of relationships beginning on Lichess and (2) your specific strategies to move things from "just opponents" to more "romantic".
Long term, Lichess could introduce Dating as one of the options displaying under the Community tab at the top. i.e. Players / Teams / Forums / Dating. I'm also open to first dates with anyone reading this who is romantically interested.
🙏 Warm regards, Burrower 🙏
