Tell the world a bit of advice to help them along in their otherwise paltry pointless pissant predicament.

I offer "Never shake hands with a proctologist"

You can tell when a human is lying, 'cause their lips are moving.

We can save the polar bears by offering ourselves as food.

Don't take a knife to a gun fight.

Don't count your eggs before there in the pudding.

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set a fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

If your friends tell you to jump from a building, please don't jump from a building.