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  3. I don't really know the reason why.

You have been so good to me, I must thank you once again for everything. I hope that you're just well this day. I look forward that we play a game or two soon

My chess books are wrinkled because I cry in them. I lie to people and say that my bookshelf is sweaty. The truth is that I practice mating with my Polgar book.

I haven't slept the last days and have hardly played any chess; It feels like as if I were drunk.  I needed an alternate so I watched football - the French were playing against the Germans 2:2.

Take care of what you eat and go outside which makes you sleep better

Yes, physical and psychological health are in ways interdependent of course. Sleep is underrated!

Now I'm on here and I love ChessNetwork on YT.

I just got into chess, I just used to play as a kid, sometimes my stepdad would let me win :)
I played one game again a week ago, finally got the mate, after making blunders, losing the queen when I could have mated haha! I also stupidly lost a bishop, but finally I promoted three times and mated...

I didn't know there was a forum on here, this post caught my eye.
Stay strong and look to nature and friends! I wish you well!

And visit a neuroloog, i forgot, thought i was just depressive because i made a mess from everything where i was so accurate before, was passed by everyone at work although i spoke five languages, completely loss off concentration and fell ashame for my colleagues..

@anketiel .... I will listen to all of your advice. Thank you so much for the concern, you have got a very big heart. Don't worry, I'm OK. Have a good Sunday, my friend.

It's nice reading your answer. I agree to everything that you have said. Just like you, I had a stepfather, too, since I was in the age of six. He didn't play chess with me, but he taught me how to play rugby; he used to be a professional rugby player in England: for a girl, it was a pretty tough game for me. It was really one of my cousins who tried to teach me the chess basics, he was like 10-years old that time and I was like 9 or something, we played a couple of games as we were children and then we got so busy in life that we totally forgot about it. Two years ago, I was going through all the Applications, as I stumbled on one of the chess Apps,, I was not so amazed about it because they bet on there. I played on the App for about one year, and then I got fed up with it. Also, the chessboard was too blue for me, so I went to look for another chess app. That's how I found Lichess. The first moment on, I thought that this application is amazing - I still think the same. I hope you forgive me that this is getting long ... I'm only trying to say the how I appreciate that you left me an answer. Thanks a lot for the very nice message. I wish you in life, all the best. Have a nice Sunday.

you're right sometimes our heart can be too big, we only concern about our environment like a sister Theresa and have no time for our own problems, its so important to ask ourself everyday if we are happy but real friends will tell you if you do not realize.
Also a nice Sunny Day

Maybe a new friend would like to know. Here is more about me.

  I grew up without a father, and there was nothing that I can do about it- it was nobody is fault - it's only fate. But as I was 16 (17 almost), I went to search for him. I waited so long to see his face for the first time. I had to search for my father and with great success, I really found his birthplace. I thought that it was only in a dream but no, it was true - I was really at his place. But you already know what is next. They were all there that day, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, I even get to learn some of the neighbours - only my father was not there.
One by one I get to learn all my relatives. They were so nice people. And yet, I was very unhappy, it had nothing to do with them: I have always been the drama queen.
 To wait for my father seemed like forever. I couldn't wait any longer for him to come. I think that the first thing that I had asked my grandmother was if my father's still alive. And I was very delighted upon hearing from her that he was in good condition. It was terrible when no one could really tell you, not even your own mother if your father is still alive. Everybody told me that he was a soldier and so you'll never know if something bad had happened to him in all the years.
But my grandfather, whom I had just met re-assured me that he's going to come home in a couple of weeks: he could not go off because he's on duty they said.
Then one morning, just as the roosters were crowing, there were hands shaking me to wake up. Claire! Claire! wake up, your father is there," my eyes were half closed but I saw Sarah's face almost touching mine. She was my aunt's nanny. The four of us, my grandma, Michelle, Sarah and I, used to sleep at the veranda where the cool wind would blow the whole night, through the wooden lattice. It was a perfect idea of my grandmother, because we then could sleep without an electric  fan: there was a no better place to sleep in that house. There was a very beautiful view: for above us the blanket full of stars - you can't do anything about it, as soon as you stare at those stars you start to dream with eyes wide open. Sarah said that my father was already there since four in the morning, but he waited until six to see me. He didn't want to interrupt my sleep.
I was like "What?!" "My father is here?" And the next thing that I knew he already stood smiling at me and I think that I forgot to breathe.
 "So this is my fa-ther," I said to myself. Yes, maybe I do look like him a bit. It was like as if my feet were bolted to the wooden floor: I couldn't move.
The next thing he was already hugging me saying silly things. It was unbelievable. I still don't know how I felt that day. It was a mixture of all feelings. I was like in panic, did not quite know what to tell him; I was thinking if only I could hide myself. I have never been that thriled that my eyes were moist. I pretended that I wasn't crying, I pretended that I was all calm. My father's gift for me was to give me this very unforgettable moment. He was the only one who could give it to me, I'm sure there's no other one. I want to thank him for the very precious gift. I want to thank all those people who were there that day who made that moment very special.  Maybe we are only here to feel such moments.
My life long I wanted to find out if I love my father. Yes, I do.  In all the years, I always longed to have him next to me eversince the world began.

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