<Comment deleted by user>
Chess is very hard, its okay to lose, its just rating, rating is just numbers, it doesn't effect game play, Magnus loses a lot of games and is calm about it most of time, he knows rating doesn't matter, gameplay does, I sometimes feel the same, no one is bad at chess, it's just that the opponents they play have more experience, you should do more tactics to beat harder opponents, you can beat anyone at chess if you wanted to, but all you have to do is study, that's how I am good at chess, but now I know that rating is just a couple of numbers, rating doesn't change your gameplay, if you wanted to, you can cheat every game, and get a high rating, but your just using stockfish, you can learn but cheating, I lost many many many games, but I learned from the games I played and improved. I hope this inspires you @djennick1,
I don't think you should be asking for advice here, it does not sound like it is just a chess problem (I'd be glad to be wrong). Self-harm is no joke. Talk to your GP and take it from there.
If you cannot cope with this yourself, talk to a professional.
They say chess is fun. It is, some of the time. But especially in classical OTB chess there is also a lot of suffering. Working for hours, with nothing much to look forward to except for maybe a draw. Maybe. It's usually only afterwards when I had a good result that I really enjoy what happened. If I had a good result.
But a lot of the time, it's just hard work and suffering. That's just how chess is. The only way to improve is to embrace that. To take your painful mistakes, and turn them into something positive: learning opportunities. As they say: someone who doesn't make any mistakes is never learning anything.
But a lot of the time, it's just hard work and suffering. That's just how chess is. The only way to improve is to embrace that. To take your painful mistakes, and turn them into something positive: learning opportunities. As they say: someone who doesn't make any mistakes is never learning anything.
@djennick1 said in #1:
> I hate that I am still so bad at chess
You're in the 98% percentile in rapid. Almost 90% in blitz and bullet. You're really good, relax.
> I hate that I am still so bad at chess
You're in the 98% percentile in rapid. Almost 90% in blitz and bullet. You're really good, relax.
@djennick1 said in #1:
> How do I stop myself from punching myself when I lose. I get too upset I have to punish myself. I cant explain it sorry for being weird and dark. I get too worked up. I hate that I am still so bad at chess. I didnt want to share this but maybe there are others who know this feeling. I think this will get removed cuz it contains self-harm. But still I wanted to share this.
Hmm, I do know this feeling, and being near your rating I am pretty sure I can feel exactly what your feeling. Even grandmasters and the top chess players have this feeling sometimes. For example, just today! vassily Ivanchuk started to cry after losing to danya in a completely winning position in the blitz world chess championship. Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_evi2X-PY0c&t=9s
What you need to understand is that atleast for me (and I am pretty sure for you too) you are getting worked up and angry BECAUSE OF LOSING RATING. If you think not, imagine you playing a horrible game that you completely deserved to lose, but your opponent loses on time and u win the game. Would you get nearly as worked up and angry at yourself as if you had lost the game? So, if your answer is no, that you wouldnt have been nearly as angry, it is conclusive that the root of your problem isnt that you are angry about playing poorly but more so because you lost rating points.
I myself have also felt what you are feeling. In 2023, I was rated about 2230 rapid and 2200 blitz before getting busy with school and other video games and only playing chess when I was in a bad mood and not focused. Unsurprisingly, when I got back into chess from just a month ago, my rating was now 2050 rapid and 2000 blitz and my tactics down the drain. I got too focused on my rating and would wanna throw my computer away if I lost the game. Losing games against such low rated players really got me pissed at myself, and I almost deleteed this account for good. However, I realised that I was too fixated on my rating and have learnt to accept losing a way to grow and learn. Though these days I do still get sad when I lose and when I miss easy tactics, I have learnt to accept this as part of the process and thought of it as another way to grow. I decided to erase all ratings of this site and I have started to focus not on winning solely, but to play with full focus and to play with heart and to play my best and enjoy the game.
What you should do: One of the main reasons why I moved away from chess in late 2023 was because I hit a plateau and lost my love for the game because my rating wasnt improving. What I ask for you to do may be drastic but it will help you in the long term for sure.
1. Hide all the ratings on the platform.
2. Focus on playing the best chess you can with the a lot of focus. win or lose, its a win if you played the best you could.
3. Trust the process, accept loses as another way for you to grow.
4. Before any game, close your eyes and say to yourself that you will play the best you possibly can.
5. Dont keep playing when you are losing a lot of games in a row, consider taking a break.
6. Understand that if you study the game, focus while playing and practice, your rating will have to inevitably increase so forget about increasing your rating and focus on improving your chess.
Remember!! Your rating is only to PROVE to others about your chess prowess
You should focus on IMPROVING.
SO, PUT YOUR FOCUS ON IMPROVING, NOT PROVING
Hope this helps, I wrote this in a rush, so if you have any questions whatsoever feel free to message me in the lichess inbox, Id be happy to provide you with more ways to detach yourself from your chess rating and focus on the game itself and provide you support on your journey, with
> How do I stop myself from punching myself when I lose. I get too upset I have to punish myself. I cant explain it sorry for being weird and dark. I get too worked up. I hate that I am still so bad at chess. I didnt want to share this but maybe there are others who know this feeling. I think this will get removed cuz it contains self-harm. But still I wanted to share this.
Hmm, I do know this feeling, and being near your rating I am pretty sure I can feel exactly what your feeling. Even grandmasters and the top chess players have this feeling sometimes. For example, just today! vassily Ivanchuk started to cry after losing to danya in a completely winning position in the blitz world chess championship. Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_evi2X-PY0c&t=9s
What you need to understand is that atleast for me (and I am pretty sure for you too) you are getting worked up and angry BECAUSE OF LOSING RATING. If you think not, imagine you playing a horrible game that you completely deserved to lose, but your opponent loses on time and u win the game. Would you get nearly as worked up and angry at yourself as if you had lost the game? So, if your answer is no, that you wouldnt have been nearly as angry, it is conclusive that the root of your problem isnt that you are angry about playing poorly but more so because you lost rating points.
I myself have also felt what you are feeling. In 2023, I was rated about 2230 rapid and 2200 blitz before getting busy with school and other video games and only playing chess when I was in a bad mood and not focused. Unsurprisingly, when I got back into chess from just a month ago, my rating was now 2050 rapid and 2000 blitz and my tactics down the drain. I got too focused on my rating and would wanna throw my computer away if I lost the game. Losing games against such low rated players really got me pissed at myself, and I almost deleteed this account for good. However, I realised that I was too fixated on my rating and have learnt to accept losing a way to grow and learn. Though these days I do still get sad when I lose and when I miss easy tactics, I have learnt to accept this as part of the process and thought of it as another way to grow. I decided to erase all ratings of this site and I have started to focus not on winning solely, but to play with full focus and to play with heart and to play my best and enjoy the game.
What you should do: One of the main reasons why I moved away from chess in late 2023 was because I hit a plateau and lost my love for the game because my rating wasnt improving. What I ask for you to do may be drastic but it will help you in the long term for sure.
1. Hide all the ratings on the platform.
2. Focus on playing the best chess you can with the a lot of focus. win or lose, its a win if you played the best you could.
3. Trust the process, accept loses as another way for you to grow.
4. Before any game, close your eyes and say to yourself that you will play the best you possibly can.
5. Dont keep playing when you are losing a lot of games in a row, consider taking a break.
6. Understand that if you study the game, focus while playing and practice, your rating will have to inevitably increase so forget about increasing your rating and focus on improving your chess.
Remember!! Your rating is only to PROVE to others about your chess prowess
You should focus on IMPROVING.
SO, PUT YOUR FOCUS ON IMPROVING, NOT PROVING
Hope this helps, I wrote this in a rush, so if you have any questions whatsoever feel free to message me in the lichess inbox, Id be happy to provide you with more ways to detach yourself from your chess rating and focus on the game itself and provide you support on your journey, with
<Comment deleted by user>
@djennick1 said in #1:
> How do I stop myself from punching myself when I lose. I get too upset I have to punish myself. I cant explain it sorry for being weird and dark. I get too worked up. I hate that I am still so bad at chess. I didnt want to share this but maybe there are others who know this feeling. I think this will get removed cuz it contains self-harm. But still I wanted to share this.
I would say as soon as you feel the very angry urge to hit yourself or throw something, relax and take a deep breath, I know this is not as easy as sounds and still doesn't help much to reduce your anger but it reduces the urge to throw something, now completely divert your brain from chess, maybe watch some videos on youtube for 30 min, dont think about chess at all. Slowly but surely your anger will reduce, also you need to have some hobbies and life outside chess even if you are a proffesional player (I am one so i can relate) if you enjoy something outside of chess then your life doesn't feel like it ended when you lose a game, I hope this helps.
> How do I stop myself from punching myself when I lose. I get too upset I have to punish myself. I cant explain it sorry for being weird and dark. I get too worked up. I hate that I am still so bad at chess. I didnt want to share this but maybe there are others who know this feeling. I think this will get removed cuz it contains self-harm. But still I wanted to share this.
I would say as soon as you feel the very angry urge to hit yourself or throw something, relax and take a deep breath, I know this is not as easy as sounds and still doesn't help much to reduce your anger but it reduces the urge to throw something, now completely divert your brain from chess, maybe watch some videos on youtube for 30 min, dont think about chess at all. Slowly but surely your anger will reduce, also you need to have some hobbies and life outside chess even if you are a proffesional player (I am one so i can relate) if you enjoy something outside of chess then your life doesn't feel like it ended when you lose a game, I hope this helps.
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