I think today, after some reflection, and memory of some of the times I was really "off" I realized that there is a pattern of the most toxic version of myself coming into existance based off of fatigue and of course, being hard on myself. 1 time, i exercised too much and I took it out on some people by just behaving too angry or aggressive towards them. During that time there was just alot of stress on my body and there was no easy buildup to thelat moment. I was running 10 miles a day during that time, which when i was younger and a runner, was nothing, but as someone out of form, it was something. Also, consistantly 1-2 weeks before my classes start I feel a little sad, and I worry about the future. I am sensing the change and I am afraid of it. This period is another time I am just completely off. So for chess, the fatigue influenced my calculation. I would describe calculation as a comb. When you are combing, your strength matches a certain length or a depth. The comb can be longer or wider. When fatigued, (mind overwhelmed from information, maybe too much chess) the comb is shorter or less wide, so you see less deep. Additionally there are specific factors that alter the length of the comb. These factors are dogma related. Lets say you think you solved chess, or lets say you are Steinitz. You will only play certain moves that fit that algorithm in calculation, hence you are very stubborn and it makes you play chess in a worse quality. I do not believe this factor is affected by fatigue. Short term factors with ones health or day affect the width, long term factors that are knowledge and experience based (all from hard work) represent the length. My quality of play has not been good, so my perception is I am playing insanely strong opponents, when in reality I am not calculating as deep and there are an increased probability of oversights. Im very glad to have reflected and came to this discovery. I hope it helps others. Keep up the good work, work on what you can control, and be happy about what longterm factors you have accumulated. Sincerely LandyPJY
I agree, health is often over looked. Meditation is also good.
In agreement with @difford, I can also recommend meditation as a way to:
- dissipate unhelpful emotions that have built up
- with time, dissolve the mental patterns that lead to unhealthy buildups (e.g. unkind attitudes/judgements towards yourself)
- develop the ability to consciously shift yourself into an optimal state for both chess performance and enjoyment
- develop more open mindedness and flexibility in thinking. for instance, seeing chess principles and thinking models as optional/helpful tools, rather than absolute rules that constrain the direction of our thinking
- develop more presence to react in the moment to the situation is occurring. it's easy to be stuck in the past, spending thinking/emotional time regretting losing the advantage you had earlier in the game, or the outcomes of the last game(s), when it's not what is important right now. meditation reduces the tendency to fixate on the past and judge yourself. with time, it can make you untiltable
For a beginner, I'd recommend something like sam harris's "waking up" app (10mins/day) or another like headspace
For a state of general mental fatigue and a negative emotional spiral, when you don't want to make any more efforts, I'd also recommend this simple guided meditation, that teaches you a skill you can use at any time:
Feel free to contact me if you ever want more guidance. Warm regards, Burrower
Thanks! Yeah, For me, the hard part is changing myself and enduring the new habits. innerengineering.com was a good resource, but, i didnt keep doing the meditation! I will download that app right now. thanks alot, i cannot thank you enough. hopefully i can become the best version of myself. ok, now going to read my forum haha. i was very scared, you know, like it is just putting the bad stuff about myself out there, but, for the sake of knowledge.
oooh, on phone, thought this was a message 😂. but yeah, thanks everyone. i will try to meditate more. i am very weird, and have the slight fear of getting worse so i have to keep studying to compensate, but really i just need to relax. tyvm! i hope everyone works on their progress too!
Glad it was helpful @LandyPJY
In my experience, the main reason beginners don't carry on the habit of meditation is simply that they expect too much from themselves. At the start, the key with meditation is to keep it simple, comfortable and keep time investment quite low (10 mins or so). This is one reason apps are such a useful way to start: low time requirement, guided and build consistency/momentum.
After some time doing it consistently, you see the benefits. You see how you're not reacting to stuff you previously reacted to. You see how you feel throughout the day you do it in the morning versus a day you don't do it. You've proven to yourself that it works and is worthwhile. Then there's a natural desire to do it. Like naturally wanting to move closer to a fire to warm your hands, rather than pushing yourself to do it. Pulled by the positive.
All the best
ahahahaha sounds good. yeah, like, it is interesting though, the negative version of myself. like one thing is i also dream more when under stress. I feel like sigmund freud would love to study me.
@LandyPJY. I believe we all have our quirks, collections of negative thought patterns based on past conditioning, and freaky qualities (especially in the chess community).
But as Lord Buddha said,
"I am willing to save even the freakiest freaks among you, so long as you submit fully to me and meditate. If not, I will sentence you to rebirth as a rodent"
We must all comply with his emotional blackmail and meditate to avoid this threat
This is known. The one night I slept well since 2018 I knew what it was like to be Kasparov. I've seriously considered giving up the game entirely because of how much fatigue affects my ability and enjoyment.
Not sure if I got everything right.
Common sense: If you are tired your tactical prowess is affected mainly, your strategical thinking rather not.