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  1. Forum
  2. General Chess Discussion
  3. Chess Jokes

Haha, very good @NightGriffin!
The first quote was made by Woody Allen.
Did you hear about Kasparov eating on a red and white checkered tablecloth?
It took him 5 minutes to pass the salt.

A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."

Chess jokes aren't that funny tbh

- Wich do you prefer? Sex or chess?
- Well, it depends on the position.

(This brilliant answer is attributed to Spassky)

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.











But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Mr and Mrs Tin Wan have a daughter. They give her quite a common first name. She is Mei Tin Wan.

(read somewhere in the latest NiC, I think it was a comedian)

He had bought a chess-set and ate it (!). He went into the store and complained: "I ate the chess-set and it tasted stale, mate!"
Vendor: "Really?"
Comedian: "Check, mate!"

A classic one:

- Excuse me, I can't find the chess book I'm looking for.
- Which one?
- "How to become a Grandmaster easily"
- Ah, that one. In the sci-fi section.

What’s the difference between a large size pizza and a professional chess player?
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The pizza can comfortably feed a family of 6!