Behold I am a chess god

I am a chess baloney,
I like to play the Benoni,
I got a great big Salomi,
And a mind that's sharp and bony.

I move my pawns with care,
Building up my defense,
Waiting for the right time to strike,
And break through my opponent's fence.

I know the risks involved,
In playing such an aggressive game,
But I'm not one to shy away,
From the challenge or the fame.

I'll sacrifice my pieces,
If it means I gain an edge,
I'll take a chance and make a move,
And watch my opponent hedge.

For I am a chess baloney,
And I play with strategy and skill,
I know when to attack and defend,
And when to sit back and chill.

So if you want to beat me,
You'll have to be prepared,
To face a fierce and determined foe,
Whose mind cannot be snared.

For I am a chess baloney,
And I play to win the game,
I'll never back down or give up,
Until I achieve my aim.

You play chess, I play with breasts,
do not test, my bulletproof vest,
I smoke the good stuff, I do not bluff,
the Botez sisters, I'll do em all rough,
and then I get rowdy, make em say howdy,
checkmate then we mate outside while its cloudy,
drink champaign, while you complain,
on lichess and go insane,
I'll beat you in life and on the board,
I play e4 and you hit the floor,
got your queen and I'm out the door,
you paid for her dinner, but I got to score,
so, eat your baloney that's all you get,
I win at chess, and I get respect.

*Mic drop*

Behold these men claiming their throne,
as I stand here holding the microphone.
Why the chess gods doing this?
Cause they live in the abyss.

As we write this with some remorse,
The knight or the horse,
Goes to a golf course.

Why was this created?
My brain cells are microscopic.
But I know one thing,
this should be in Off-Topic!

I'm a chess machine, a lyrical genius,
My tactics so sharp, they'll leave you speechless,
You talk about chess, I make it an art,
Every move I make, I tear you apart.

My bishops be slicin', my rooks be crushin',
You're all talk, while I'm out here hustlin',
Your rap's like your game, full of blunders and slips,
But my flow's so smooth, like a queen's finger lips.

So get ready to resign, you pawn-pushin' fanatics,
Watch me weave my magic, I'm so charismatic,
And when I'm done, you'll be begging, it's true,
'Cause I'm the chess master, and I've adopted you.

I'm tough actin and tactical,
my strategy is practical,
my moves are magical,
yes I am radical,
like they said in the 80s,
fool you can't play me,
I'll send you to hades,
you can never slay me,
I might find your mama,
and we'll go and make babies,
don't act shady cuz your mama likes my gravy,
oops I got distracted,
your pieces are made of plastic,
don't be actin drastic,
just admit you got your ass kicked.

*mic drop again*

*crowd goes wild*

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