I Hate Winning

Great blog.

I can totally relate to this.

As a 1900 rated player I remember getting a winning position against a GM once.
He blundered a piece in the early middlegame and all I could think of was "I want this to be over."
At some point I wanted the stress to be gone, I just started playing mindless moves.
My board overview narrowed down to just 4 squares, ... The only thing I could think of was "i need to promote this pawn" and I completely started ignoring what he was doing on the other side of the board.
He managed to trick me right before I promoted my pawn and I lost the game.
I don't think the blog title matches the content in it.

This blog is about not liking winning positions. But when I win, all that stress goes away.
Great blog. I'm just a mediocre chess player (1700 rapid) but I can relate. Also within other sports. I've ran a lot of trailraces and marathons. Came in first quite some times too. I only felt relieved when crossing the finishline first. Nobody caught up, didn't blow up, took a wrong turn. No 'victory' feeling at all.
Winning feels only good when you win from a losing position. When you have that final push to the finish line. Otherwise, just relieve and before that, a lot of stress.

Maybe we're just a bit narcissistic (did I call us a sissy?!) and we're just to afraid of that a random person at the other end of a connection thinks when we lose. :D
There is another completely different aspect, though perhaps I'm unique in feeling this way. I like to win, but sometimes seeing the hurt and disappointment of the loser outweighs the joy I get from winning. So I sometimes literally dislike winning.
@justme23 said in #7:
> Loser

who knows how to lose wins twice because in losing we always have somethings to learn and we can have more wisdom
My heartrate goes through the roof in better positions. Normal? Reasoning is as follows - there I am under impression that I have something to lose. Pure stress.
Definitely good to hear that this is in no way a unique experience. Continuing to have plan instead of thinking about the game outcome is great advice.